Healing
by cifan
Summary: Set after Frame. Bobby and Alex have some healing to do.
1. Chapter 1

**Setting: After Frame.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They belong to Dick Wolf and the wonderful world of Law and Order: Criminal Intent.**

**This has been on my pc for a few months, and I feel stuck, so I decided to post it so now I will do something more with it. **

**Enjoy ~**

--

"Bobby... do you love her?"

He sat in the chair. Motionless. This is the conversation that he knew he needed to have. A confession he desperately wanted to make.

"Yes."

"In love with her?"

"Without a doubt."

Dr. Olivet watched him. Usually, he was constant motion. When he wasn't fidgeting his entire body, he was rubbing the back of his neck or running his hands through his hair. If his foot wasn't tapping, his fingers were picking at tiny pieces of thread poking out of the seams of the oversized chair that he always chose to sit in. Now, he was still.

_I've gotten to the root of the problem. I've hit the bulls eye._

"But you push her away... why?"

"That's just it. I'm not the only one doin' the pushing."

"Does she love you?"

"Yes." He didn't hesitate.

"In love with you?"

His eyes skipped around a little. Olivet noticed he started to rock a leg back and forth but then stopped.

"I - don't know. Maybe."

"Bobby, don't sell yourself short. It's okay to open yourself up here. Let me ask you again... do you think Alex is IN love with you?"

"I think she was, but I'm not sure about it anymore." He was playing with his tie and biting the inside of his mouth.

"Well, I think she still is." Olivet gave him a soft smile. "And do you know what? It's okay that you love each other. And I think that there was a time that you were both aware of it, and you were happy. That deep down you both knew you had something between you and it made you feel good. But somewhere along the line that got away from you. We both know that there have been many opportunities for that to happen."

"Yes, that's true." He was nodding his head. His hands were still again.

"Well, Bobby. How do you think you can get back to her? Get back to what you once had together?"

"I d-don't know." His foot was tapping.

"I think you do know, but you're afraid to open yourself up."

"She' afraid too, ya know. She pushes just as much as I do. I'm tellin' you, she doesn't want me around anymore. She's fed up with me, she's done." He was getting agitated.

"Maybe she pushes for a different reason than you think." She said in a calm voice. It seemed to settle him back down.

He never thought about that. He let his head drop back against the back of the chair and he stared at the ceiling for a few minutes. He sighed.

"How do I find out?" He was looking at her like a lost little boy. He sounded like one, too.

"You need to spend time together, you need to talk about the past, the happy times. You both have to see that there was a lot of good in your relationship... Then, Bobby, you need to tell her something. You need to tell her that she is a big part of your life. Share that with her." He looked horrified. She continued, "I'm not saying you need to confess your undying love... just let her in a little... see where it leads."

He thought about for a while then he nodded.

"Bobby, I think you might be surprised what you get in response."

--

Bobby called Alex before he left Olivet's office. He asked her to take a drive with him on Friday, their next day off. She was curious as to why, he told her he thought it would be nice to spend some time together. She was confused but she agreed.

It was a summer day. The temperature was as warm as you would imagine it would be in August in New York, but the humidity was low. He picked her up mid-morning. He pulled up to her place and she was waiting for him on her steps. He had told her to dress casually, so she was in a pair of jean shorts, a green t-shirt and flip flops. She had a bag tossed over her shoulder and her sunglasses were perched on top of her head. He was happy to see she did dress casually because he was in khaki shorts, a black t-shirt and sandals.

"Sweet!" Alex couldn't believe her eyes.

He borrowed a 1969 red Mustang convertible from Lewis. It was in pristine condition. Alex knew enough about cars to know that this was one special ride.

Bobby was feeling like a proud papa as she gushed about the car. He loved watching her get so excited. He knew he hasn't seen her that happy in years. _We're starting off on the right foot. _

"So… where are we goin'?"

"I thought we'd just drive to Connecticut, take it from there." He glanced over at her to see her reaction to the lack of agenda.

"Sounds good to me."

He sighed in relief. "I think we'll just know where to stop when we see it."

She nodded and dropped her sunglasses over her eyes.

As they drove along, they talked casually in between Alex playing with the radio and just enjoying the day.

They got about 20 minutes into Connecticut when they saw a sign for a state beach. They looked at each other, and without speaking Bobby pulled off the exit.

The beach was beautiful, and surprisingly not very crowded since it was late summer. They walked the trails for a while, and talked about Nathan and the rest of Eames' family. As they walked back towards the car, Bobby took Alex's hand in his. Just before they got to the car she took his hand in both of hers and kissed them. He looked down to find her smiling at him with tears in her eyes.

"You alright?" He didn't know what to make of her doing that.

"I'm just… happy." She let go of his hand and he let go of the subject.

--

Back at the car, he opened the trunk to reveal a blanket and a cooler. He had packed some sandwiches, waters and a bottle of wine.

They made their way to the beach and spread the blanket. Once they were settled on the sand, Alex got out the sandwiches and glasses while Bobby opened the wine.

Over lunch, Bobby started asking Alex what some of her favorite cases were that they worked on. They spent the afternoon laughing about different suspects, Carver, Deakins and of course, Ross. As they reminisced, they were both reminded of the good times they had shared.

Alex was laying back but she had her upper body propped up on her elbows. She was looking towards the water. Bobby was laying on his right side. His head resting on his hand, looking at Eames.

"Alex, I remember you telling someone once that her husband was 'just like your partner, he just wants to be left alone to do what he does best'."

"Yeah, I remember that, the silver burglar."

"Right. Well, did you really mean that? I mean, do you think I really want to be left alone?"

"Not at first, but then it seemed like you didn't want anyone around."

"That must have hurt you."

She turned towards him mirroring his position. She pushed her sunglasses up on to her head. "It did. It still does."

"Do you think you push me away sometimes, too?"

"Yes, I know I do." Eames didn't hesitate.

"Do you know why?" Bobby was shocked she answered as fast as she did.

"From what I saw, after Jo Gage, you changed. Instead of letting me in, letting us heal together, you shut me down. I had no idea why. It really hurt me. Then… you know… so much happened in your life. But as each thing came up, you closed me out more and more. It got to the point that I started to push you away first before you could do it to me." She was looking right at him as she spoke.

"Do you ever feel like you pushed me away for your own reasons?" He was afraid that question would shut her down but he had to ask it.

She looked down and played with her wine glass. She was embarrassed and he saw that. He decided to drop it.

"Alex, look. I just want you to know that you are a very special person. To me. In my life. And I am so happy and feel so lucky that you are still here."

She felt like she could be blown over with a feather. Her mouth hung open and she didn't blink.

"D-did I say something wrong?"

"No. No Bobby. I just… wasn't expecting you to say that." Now she was smiling. Her smile made him smile.

"Alex, I miss you, and I miss us."

She closed her mouth but she was still in shock.

"Can you say something?" He was worried he said too much.

"Thank you, Bobby. Thank you for trusting me with your feelings."

"Little by little, Eames. Right?"

"Right."

With that, they packed up their picnic and headed home in their sweet ride.

--


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so I messed up on the timeline. This is set after Frame, but I said in chapter one**

**that it was late June. Wrong! Sorry. So, I corrected that so now it reads late summer. Also, I know Frame took place in late August, but for me, I need to to take place early August. I don't think that's too bad. Hope you all don't mind!  
**

--

**2 weeks later**

"So Eames, any plans on Saturday?" He glanced over quickly, then looked out the passenger window.

"Nope. Nothing but me, my book, and my hammock." She kept her eyes on the road.

As the car filled with silence, she began to wonder if he was expecting a different answer. She was really hoping that he was going to ask her to do something with him again. For the past two weeks, she had done almost nothing but think of the day they spent at the beach in Connecticut. It was so unlike Bobby to suggest that they do that, and then they had such a nice time. She had noticed that he seemed happier lately and she was hoping it was because of their talk. She decided to poke him a little and see where it would lead.

"How about you? How are you going to spend our first day off in over a week?"

"Well, I was going to ask you if you would like to do something with me, but it sounds like your hammock has a monopoly on your time." He smiled but kept looking out the side window.

She smiled while she drove.

"It's a big hammock, Bobby. You can always join me. I'm sure you have a book in progress as well."

They were both smiling wider but still not looking at each other.

"Are you sure, Eames? I mean, we'd have to have pretty good balance to keep us both in it at the same time."

"Eh, the principles involved in us laying in a hammock together are the same principles we use at work every day."

"How do you figure?" He knew what she was getting at but he wanted to hear it.

"Well, it will take two things. Teamwork and trust. The teamwork is needed so we balance each other out; we use each other so we don't fall. The trust is needed because have to believe that one of us isn't going to do anything to make the other one fall and get hurt."

He nodded his head and looked at her.

"Sounds perfect for us then. When should I come over?"

"Well, it's supposed to be pretty warm out, so why don't you come over in the morning. We can hang out there until it gets too hot then maybe we'll go the beach and swim?"

"I'll pack my suit and pick up some breakfast."

"Sounds like a plan."

--

**Saturday Morning**

Alex heard the knock.

"It's open!'

He let himself in and locked the door behind him. She was just coming in from outside.

"Getting a head start on me?" He unpacked the bagels and fruit.

"No, just putting some cushions on the furniture. I thought we'd eat outside?" She asked as she poured some coffee for both of them.

"Great. It's a nice day already." He watched her, admiring her toned arms and legs. She was dressed very casually in a pair of dark blue cotton shorts and a pink t-shirt. No shoes. He always thought that she looked good.

"Mmmm, fresh fruit! Just what I was craving, thank you!" She rewarded him with a big smile and he reminded himself to bring her fruit more often.

They finished their breakfast, cleaned up, then moved to the hammock. After some giggling and awkwardness, they settled into the rope mesh. They were lying opposite each other, so their heads were at different ends. Their arms touched each others legs. Alex was quite aware of how warm and muscular Bobby's leg felt pressed up against her arm. He was in a pair of black swim shorts and light blue t-shirt that had a bar logo on the back from somewhere in the Florida Keys. She wondered where he got the shirt from because she didn't remember him ever going there.

They were lying together for a few of hours in silence, just reading. Occasionally, Bobby would drop his foot to the grass and gently rock them back and forth. At one point, Alex drifted off for a short nap. After a little while Bobby followed her lead.

She woke up a short time later to the sound of light snoring and it made her smile. While they were sleeping he had curled his arm under her leg so his hand was resting on very innocently on her thigh. She watched him for a few minutes then picked her book back up and continued reading.

She felt him stir but she kept her book raised in front of her. She figured he might be a little embarrassed at the way he was touching her. She felt him uncurl his arm as gently as he could.

She was waiting for him to say something. Instead he picked up his book and resumed his reading.

"It's getting hot, no?" She had her book on her chest and was waiting for his reply.

"Yeah, it has to be early afternoon by now."

"Why don't we go to Brighton Beach? I'll go get changed and pack a cooler."

He agreed, then without even planning it out, he planted his foot on the ground to give them support as she got up. Once she was up she held the hammock so he could get out without a problem.

Teamwork. He thought as he grinned to himself.

"I just put sunscreen on , do you need some?" Alex asked him as she came out of her bedroom.

"No, I'll wait until I'm there. My Italian skin can take a little more exposure than yours." He blushed a little at the mention of Alex's skin. She saw him turn a little red and remarked, "then why does it have a pink tint to it?", then she added coyly, "Something bothering you?"

He started filling the cooler with ice and ignored her.

Once the cooler was packed with sandwiches, snacks, and beers they took off for the beach. Alex was thrilled to see that Bobby borrowed the Mustang from Lewis. "I was hoping you had this car again." Bobby chuckled at her, "I'm starting to think you accept my invitations just because of the car." Alex laughed, "am I that transparent?"

Their light banter continued as they left her house.

--

They made their way out of Queens and through Brooklyn. Alex had put her seat back slightly in order to soak up some sun. Her face was tilted up and her neck was cradled against the headrest, her sunglasses were down. Bobby couldn't help but steal glimpses of her. She had changed into her suit and from the strings tied around her neck he could tell it was dark purple. She had put on a black tank top and a tiny jean skirt as a beach cover up. Black flip flops finished off her outfit. With her hair pulled back the way she had it and that little outfit she was in, he was certain that she could be mistaken for someone half her age. Bobby didn't know how it could be possible, but it seemed like every year Alex got younger looking.

He forced himself to stop thinking of her…like that. He knew he wanted to continue their conversation from their last trip to the beach. He had told Dr. Olivet he would do his best to open up to Alex, and that was what he intended to do. He concentrated on that the rest of the trip.

Bobby and Alex parked the car and grabbed their gear. They walked side by side as they made their way over the sand. They passed families and couples, they ducked Frisbees and running toddlers, and finally found a nice spot to lay a blanket on.

Alex spread the blanket while Bobby put down the cooler and the bags. By now they were feeling the full force of the August heat. They were both sweating. Bobby lay down on the blanket but Alex remained standing. She slid her flip flops off and looked toward the ocean.

Turning back to him, Alex announced, "I don't know about you, but I need to get cooled off." With that she undid her jean skirt and shimmied it down. Bobby was momentarily stunned. Even with his sunglasses on, he felt like he was leering. To not be so obvious, he turned his head as if he was studying the water but he was still looking at her out of the corner of his eye. He watched her as she slipped her top over her head, then pulled out her hair clip and dropped both items on the blanket. He was only partially correct about the bikini. It was dark purple, but now he could see it also had large white polka dots on it and it was trimmed in green. He thought she looked adorable.

"Uh, you go and I'll stay with our stuff. I'll jump in after you come back."

"Okay, suit yourself. Be right back." He couldn't help but watch her walk away from him. He laughed as he saw her jump a little when her toes hit the water. Apparently, the ocean water hasn't quite warmed up to her liking, he thought. She stood there, inching her legs further and further in, then when the water reached just below her hips she dove in. He was still giggling to himself at the sight of her having the nerve to be cold in August.

Bobby put on some sunscreen then lay back and closed his eyes for a few minutes. He heard her footsteps approaching then felt her plop down on the blanket next to him. Little drops of water hit him in the process. He propped himself up on his elbows and watched her settle down, letting the sun dry her off instead of using a towel.

"How was the water?"

"Great. It felt cold at first, but once I got in all the way, it was nice and refreshing. I feel so cool now, you should go in." She answered him but kept her eyes closed, sunning herself.

He was watching the water bead up on her arms and her belly because of the sunscreen. Her skin was wet and tan and so toned and he had to throw himself back down on the blanket to stop himself from reaching out to her. After a couple of deep breaths, he got up, took off his shirt and headed toward the ocean. He needed to cool off in more ways than one.

--

Back from a swim, and having had some lunch and a beer, Bobby turned to Alex.

"Can I ask you something?"

She could tell from his voice that he was suddenly serious and maybe a little nervous. She had been expecting him to want to continue the conversation they had in Connecticut. She remembered him saying then, 'little by little, right Eames'. So she knew that was his way of saying, 'to be continued'.

"Well, the other day we talked a little about how I push you away, and then I asked you if you thought you do the same and you said that you do". He waited for her to acknowledge that recollection. She nodded so he went on, "Why do you think you push me away?"

She paused for a minute. "Can we start at another point, Bobby?" He didn't know if this was a diversionary tactic, or if she was being honest. But he knew he had to make her feel comfortable so he answered. "Sure. What ever you want, Eames."

She sat up and crossed her legs in front of her. A look of overwhelming sadness washed over her and Bobby got very nervous. He watched her as she struggled with her words.

"Jo Gage. I don't have to tell you what that did to me." She took a breath.

"Actually, yes you do."

Her eyes shot up to his. That was exactly what she hoped he would say.

"Eames…Alex…we've never spoken about your feelings. Your ordeal. You've always said you were fine."

"Why did you let me get away with that?"

He was thrown by that question.

"Well, I guess because I didn't want to make you talk about something you didn't want to share. You would tell anyone who would ask that you were fine."

"You're not just anyone, Bobby."

He thought about this for a while.

"You were always so strong. You acted like you were…fine."

"I did it for you."

He sat up now. Stunned. He had his left knee bent and his foot on the blanket. He had his other leg slid under his upright one. He put his shirt back on, then rested his left arm on his raised knee. He couldn't take his eyes off his partner.

"You mean, you acted like you were okay to make me feel better?"

"Yeah. When you came to see me at the hospital I took one look at you and knew you the state you were in. I saw the torment you were putting yourself through. I knew that if I showed you my feelings, if I let you know how scared I was, you would never recover from it. You decided it was all your fault and if you thought I was affected by any of it you would never forgive yourself."

"But it was my fault." His face was twisted in anguish.

"No, see… you did not kidnap me. You did not kill a girl right in front of me while I hung there, helpless. You did not tease me with the prospect of my own torture and death by running scissors up and down my body."

Bobby slammed his eyes shut at her words but she kept going.

"Bobby. Jo Gage did that. She was sick and decided to do sick things. You were only doing your job. You saved my life by calling me. That set the whole thing in motion. You called, then Declan called her and told her to come to him for safety. Don't you see, Bobby? She may have taken me because of your involvement in the case, but because of your involvement, she didn't have the chance to kill me."

He stood up and began pacing.

She stood up with him.

"Let's walk." She took his hand and led him down the beach.

--

They walked in silence, tightly holding on to each others' hands. The sun was setting and the beach crowd had thinned considerably. All that remained were a few older couples enjoying the view and some hardy families who were sticking it out until the day's end. Some seagulls bounced along the sand looking for scraps of food while others were hovered over the water doing some late day fishing.

Bobby didn't notice any of it. He was trying to process what Alex just said.

They made their way back to the blanket and Bobby sat down. Before Alex joined him, she put her skirt and top back on. He knew he should stop himself from watching her, but he didn't. His sunglasses were off so he couldn't hide his eyes, but at the same time, he didn't try to. She knew he was watching her, and she knew the look on his face was one that he would normally try to hide but he wasn't this time. She pretended she didn't notice him because they had enough to talk about at the moment.

He brought his thoughts back to Alex and her revelation. He could feel himself getting close to understanding her. He was almost there.

He spoke carefully. "So... after a while, I would think that you must have built up some resentment because of this."

"I think you're right."

She could see his mind working. She knew at that precise moment, he was in her head.

He had successfully gotten inside her mind regarding her kidnapping. Her heart was pounding. She was one part relieved but another part scared about how much he was going to be able to see.

His words were picking up speed, his voice was getting a little louder. "And I would also think that you began to resent me even more for not seeing what you were really going through. You had counted on my noticing, you counted on me being able to see the pain without you having to tell me…because you think you're supposed to be strong and impenetrable, you think you're not supposed to show any signs of weakness. But then when I didn't read you, it hurt you. It hurt you to the core."

She was crying now.

He continued, but he spoke softer than he had been, "and that… is why… you pushed me away."

Their eyes locked and she nodded.

Tears were streaming down her face. "Come here." He reached for her and she fell toward him. He guided them down, lying on their sides facing each other. He pulled her into his embrace and wrapped his arms around her as tightly as he could. Her arms were curled up in between them and her face was buried in his neck. He could feel her body rack with sobs and he closed his eyes while he ran on hand up and down her back.

He didn't try to quiet her. He didn't try to tell her that everything would be alright. He just let her cry.

--

Her crying finally subsided.

"I'm sorry, Bobby." As she said that she moved her top hand from his chest to his waist then wrapped it around his back. He couldn't speak for a minute, he was trying to recover from feeling her embrace.

"Can you tell me now?"

She pulled her head back a little to look at him.

"Not right now. But soon. I promise."

His hand came up and held her face.

"I love you, Alex."

She smiled at him. "I know. And I love you, too."

"I know." He smiled back.

He gently kissed her lips, then her forehead and then hugged for a minute.

"Time to call it a day?"

"Yeah."

--

tbc


	3. Chapter 3

--

Awareness. Dawning. Clarity.

Guilt.

Once again, Bobby was drowning in guilt. As soon as he unlocked Eames' mind and felt all of her pain he knew he was in trouble. As satisfying as it was to finally have her thoughts become clear to him, he was distraught about how he let her down.

He was in such deep thought that he didn't hear her when she let herself into his apartment.

"I thought I'd find you like this."

He heard the words but it took several seconds for them to register. Then he blinked hard and looked around his living room as if he had no idea where he was or how he got there. Finally, he looked at her.

"I bet… you're not only surprised to see me here, but you also don't know how it got to be morning." Alex was gently teasing him but she was sure it was true. She figured after the talk they had yesterday that he didn't get much sleep. Now looking at him, she knew she made the right decision about coming over.

Bobby rubbed his eyes then ran his hands through his hair.

She sat down next to him, folded her legs under her and turned slightly toward him. Sensing he's either embarrassed or really tired, Alex pressed on with caution.

"Hey. Are you okay, Bobby?"

Much to her surprise he shook his head no. _He's never done that before_. It made her feel good that he trusted her to let her know the truth. Progress.

"Coffee or sleep?"

"Sleep. I'm so tired but I can't…" His words trailed off.

She took his hand then stood him up and led him to his bed.

"Lie down Bobby." She pulled back his covers then guided his head down onto his pillow.

"Don't leave."

"I'm going to go get the paper, then I'll be back. I'll be right in the living room when you wake up."

"No. I mean, please…stay…in here…until I fall asleep."

He moved himself into the middle of the bed and lifted the covers for her. She slid her flip flops off and joined him.

He closed his eyes almost immediately. Just before he fell asleep she heard him whisper, "I'm sorry, Eames."

She closed her eyes and shook her head. _Just what I thought. I made him feel guilty._

Within minutes she was asleep, too. She had had a sleepless night as well worrying about him and his reaction to what he learned about her. Together they were able to sleep for several hours.

--

Alex woke up to an empty bed. She looked at the clock, it was 2:30 in the afternoon. She heard his shower running so she figured he must not have been up for too long.

After a few minutes she heard the bathroom door open then saw him start to tip-toe into the room. He gave her a sheepish smile when he saw that she was awake but still curled up in his bed.

"Did I wake you?"

"No, not at all. How'd you sleep?"

"Great. You?"

"Great." She answered as she snuggled in a little more. It made him smile.

"You still have a few changes of clothes here if you want to shower."

She watched him as he stood leaning against the door frame. He was dressed casually in tan docker shorts, and a short sleeved, blue and white striped button down shirt that was slightly wrinkled and untucked. His hair was damp and curly. She was taken aback at how handsome he looked.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

He watched her as she stretched then slowly made her way out of bed and toward him.

"You haven't started using my toothbrush to clean grout or anything have you?"

He chuckled at her. "No, you're safe."

She laughed along with him then closed the bathroom door.

--

"So aren't you the least bit curious as to why I showed up at your apartment at 7 a.m.?" She asked as she poured a cup of coffee and handed it to him.

"I know why. You were worried about me feeling guilty." He was leaning against the corner of his counter. His head was down because he was, of course, feeling guilty.

After she made her coffee, she pushed herself onto the counter then picked up her mug.

"Well, that's partly true."

Bobby looked at her but didn't speak.

"I also came over here because I felt guilty."

"You have nothing to feel guilty about, Eames."

"We both know that isn't true. Wait, I take that back. I know that isn't true, but I'm not sure if you'll understand my reasoning."

"Try me." She thought his voice sounded as if he was just asking out of courtesy. She felt like there wasn't anyway that he would believe her that she has a reason to feel guilty.

She took a deep breath and looked in her coffee cup. He waited patiently.

"If you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to ask for a glass of milk." She looked at him to if he was following.

His face was expressionless. "I have no response to that, Eames."

She smiled a little then went on, "There's a book I read to Nate. It's called 'If you give a mouse a cookie'. It's all about unintended consequences of one seemingly small action. If you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to ask for a glass of milk. Then with the milk, he'll probably need a straw. The whole book is about all the things that can follow one decision, one act…Nate thinks it's hysterical. By the end of the book the person who gave the mouse the cookie has his whole house turned upside down and he's exhausted."

"So, you think that by shutting me out after Jo Gage, you brought on the problems we have now?"

"Yes. Sort of"

He took a deep cleansing breath. He was trying desperately to follow her.

"Eames, I'm sorry, but I think I need more to go on than just a yes and a sort of."

"Well, see, there's more to why I was angry with you, why I'm sometimes still. But I think that what you did then and still do now to make me mad is an unintended consequence of Jo Gage." She was trying to be as delicate as she could be. He was opening up for the first time, ever, and she didn't want to scare him away.

She continued, "Okay, can I throw something out here? Just try to follow me."

"What ever you need, Eames."

"Ray Wisneski."

Bobby physically cringed at the mention of the man's name. "I know, Eames. I almost got you killed then, too."

She put her mug down and jumped off the counter. She couldn't move over to him fast enough. She got right in close to him and put her hands on his arms.

"Bobby, no! That isn't what I ever thought. Ever."

"It was too soon after you were kidnapped. I should have insisted you stay off the case."

"Being there was my choice. I told you I wasn't gettin' any better by myself. I needed to be there…with you." She was leaning in and tilting her head up in order to make eye contact with him. He wasn't cooperating.

"Hey, Bobby. Please, look at me." She moved her hands to his face. "You didn't do anything wrong. Please listen."

"Then why bring him up?" Bobby felt his pulse rising. He was stressed out and he felt awful.

"Wait. This isn't right. I didn't want to make you upset. I'm sorry, Bobby…Let's stop."

"No!" His anger was flaring. "I wanna know what you were going to say."

Alex didn't like the tone in his voice. She shook her head. "Bobby, I need you to try to relax and listen to me. Please…for me."

He gently pushed her away and began to pace. She started toward him but he stopped short and put his hands up.

"Don't you dare say it." Now she was pissed. He remained silent and motionless.

"You know what? I'm outa here."

He watched her as she grabbed her keys, put on her shoes, and walked out.

--

Monday and Tuesday were awful. They barely looked at each other. They only spoke when it was absolutely necessary.

4:00 Tuesday afternoon, Bobby stood up and pushed in his chair.

"Gotta go."

Alex watched him walk out and her heart broke.

--

Dr. Olivet watched Bobby. He just finished repeating and reliving the events of the past few weeks and the look on his face made her feel so bad for him. She thought his whole body looked worn and battered.

"Bobby, " she began carefully, "I know right now you are only focusing on the last conversation you had with Alex, right?"

He was in 'his' chair, leaning forward with his head buried in his hands. Dr. Olivet saw him nod so she continued.

"I'm choosing to focus on the other parts. Your trip to Connecticut, the day in her hammock and then going to Brighton Beach. Those conversations you had, those were monumentally great talks! Think about them."

He did. He thought back to those days they spent together and he began to feel a little better. He thought about how open they were. How good it felt to laugh and enjoy her. He thought about holding her hand, and how she told him she loved him. Eventually, he slid his hands from the front of his face to the sides and now his jaw was resting on the heals of his palms. Olivet was struck by how lonely and childlike he looked.

"You and Alex opened up faster than I anticipated. You were able to let her in and look at how fast she did the same. I am very encouraged by that, Bobby... and you should be, too. Also, I think that Alex has been craving this for quite some time."

"So what went wrong?"

"Think back to that last conversation. She was trying to tell you something about Wisneski, but you got stuck on your own feelings instead of listening. She tried to explain her feelings but you didn't want to hear it. Why?"

"I hated what I did to her during that case. I felt so awful and…well…" he waited for a minute while he thought. Then he looked right at Olivet and sat up straight, "llast night I didn't want her to make me feel better so I shut her down. I closed her off."

"Exactly."

He stood up and began his pacing.

"Then she walked out. She shut me out because I shut her out."

"Bingo."

"I've gotta go." He was almost out the door when she called to him.

"Bobby…go easy and listen to her!" He nodded and closed the door.

--

They were sitting in her kitchen. It was a hot and humid night but Alex didn't have the air conditioning on. A fan sitting on the counter was oscillating back and forth. They were drinking iced tea. Bobby was in the remnants of his suit; a white shirt, open at the collar. The sleeves were rolled up. His pants were gray and his shoes were black. He had some perspiration on his neck and his shirt felt a little damp. Alex was barefoot and in pink plaid shorts and a pink spaghetti-strapped tank top. Even in the light clothes, she was still hot. She had a light sheen of sweat covering her. He couldn't help but wonder if that's how she would look after he made love to her. He shook that thought from his head when he heard her ask him a question.

"Where'd you go runnin' off to today?"

"Olivet."

Alex nodded silently.

"I shut you out because I didn't want to hear what you had to say… I shut you out so you shut me out by leaving. Just like in the book, one action had so many reactions. This pattern… we do it over and over to each other. Then all that we have left is a big mess… just like the book."

A few minutes passed before either one spoke.

"You know what I thought of?" Eames was leaning back in her chair. She was running a finger up and down the condensation on her glass. She pulled back a grin then continued, "you told me once that you hate the beach…and yet we went there…twice. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Well, I usually do hate it. But I didn't with you."

"Why? Why do you hate it?"

He leaned back in his chair and spread his legs wide. He rested his right forearm on the table. His left hand was on his thigh.

"My mom would drag me there, then insist that I stay with her. You know me, Eames, I can't sit still. I can't now and I couldn't then. We'd stay there for hours and all I wanted to do was scream. But I had to stay with her. She didn't have anyone else to take care of her. So when I think of the beach, I think of having to sit still and it drives me nuts!"

"I wish I thought of that sooner, I never would have suggested it."

"Eames, I had fun with you. It was nice. I wanted to be there. But... I do thank you for thinking of me."

She stood up to refill their glasses and he watched her.

"You still have a nice tan from Saturday." She turned to find his eyes raking over her body. Her stomach tightened at the sight of him sitting there the way he was. He had a sexy, dangerous look about him and it made her shiver. She quickly looked away but she could still feel his eyes on her.

"So what brought you here tonight?" She asked him as she pulled her hair into a clip. There seemed to be no relief from the heat.

"I wanted to apologize."

"Bobby, we just talked about all that. It's okay."

"No, Eames. I'm happy we talked but I still need to say I'm sorry. And I am. I'm very sorry."

"Bobby, I'm sorry, too. I walked out and that wasn't fair."

"But it's what we do, Eames." He had a little grin on his face. It made her smile.

"Yeah, a what a couple of great communicators we are."

"We're makin' progress, though, right?" He hopefully looked at her.

"Absolutely."

Bobby knew they should leave it at that for tonight.

"Listen, it's late. I came here to apologize and I did. So I better get going." He stood up and took both of their glasses to the sink.

Alex led him to the door but stopped before she opened it.

"You don't have to leave, Bobby. We don't have to talk anymore tonight. We can watch a ball game or a movie if you want."

He turned and took the sight of her in one more time and when his eyes met hers she felt herself flush.

He licked his lips then spoke, "I have to leave. Trust me."

"What does that mean?"

"It means it'd be so easy to stay here, with you. So easy for me to…" He shook his head and opened the door.

"Trust me, I have to go before I do something to ruin any progress we've been making. Goodnight, Eames." He turned as quickly as he could.

"G'night, Bobby." She closed the door and took a deep breath.

--

**_a/n: If You Give a Mouse a Cookie_ is by Laura Joffe Numeroff.**


	4. Chapter 4

--

Alex walked into the bullpen holding two cups of coffee but Goren wasn't at his desk. She looked around and saw him in the conference room. She sighed. As she set both coffee's on her own desk she looked at his and saw it. 'If you give a mouse a cookie' was sitting there. She smiled a wide smile and sat down.

He saw her out of his peripheral vision. He got up and headed back to his desk.

"Light reading?" She asked and nodded toward the book, handing him a coffee.

"Thank you, and yes. I thought I should check it out." They grinned at each other.

"Do you have a review?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. In my opinion, it is much more insightful than you would think for a children's book. To me, it hits adult issues right on the mark." He kept eye contact with her.

"So, you'd recommend it?" She's being playful, hoping he'll be, too.

"Two thumbs up."

"I'll alert the critics."

This makes them both laugh.

"Thanks for the coffee."

"Anytime."

The rest of the day, and the next one, were uneventful. They worked well together. No one would ever guess they were in the middle of serious self-inflicted therapy.

--

"Do you have plans for Sunday?" Alex asked Bobby as gently as she could. She was encouraged by their talks, but she didn't want to pressure him.

"I had promised Lewis that I'd go with him to pick something up in Philly."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, it's something for his car that he's been waitin' on. He's restoring a 1962 Bel Air. You should see this thing, Eames." He watched her eyes perk up then he continued, "he's been looking for a mint rear seat and he finally found one. I told him I'd go with him to get it."

"Sounds great." She tried to sound excited but it didn't quite work.

"Hey, if he promises me your favorite ride, would you take that trip with me?"

She gave him a smile he'd never seen before, "I'd really like that."

"Done." He nodded his head as he picked up the phone.

--

Lewis was more than willing to lend Bobby the car to pick up the seat. Especially because it meant that Bobby would be spending much needed time with his partner.

Even though he had his own crush on Alex, he knew Bobby's feelings ran deep. Bobby needed Alex in his life. Giving up a car and a day with his best friend was no brainer to Lewis. He said yes without any hesitation.

--

Sunday was a beautiful day. It was the start of September but summer was still clinging to the vine. It wasn't nearly as warm as August, but it was just the right weather for a convertible. Alex was on her steps waiting for Bobby when he pulled up in front of her house. She sat for a minute admiring the ride, and him in it. She thought he looked gorgeous. All she could see was a black t-shirt and his graying, curly hair, but that was all she needed. Her heart skipped a beat. Once he was parked, he got out of the car to reveal a pair or dark blue jeans and black sneakers.

She stood up to greet him. She had chosen a pair of well worn jeans, a dark green sleeveless blouse, and a her black shoes with the 3 inch heels. She had her leather jacket tucked into her bag. He took one look at her and he couldn't help but smile.

"What?" She asked defensively.

"No, nothing. It's just, you look, really…nice." He gave her a cockeyed grin.

He opened the car door for her like the gentleman he is.

Once she was settled, he moved into the drivers seat and took off.

--

"Will I ever get to drive this thing or is it against the rules?" She asked coyly.

"Next exit, it's all yours."

--

Alex hopped into the driver's seat. She pulled the seat forward, adjusted the mirrors and was on her way. She was beaming.

Bobby kept turning to watch her. She looked so carefree. His heart swelled at the sight of her happiness.

--

They picked up the seat in Philly and were heading back.

"Hungry?" She asked.

"Always." He answered with a laugh.

--

"I know a great place."

They stopped in a small town off the Garden State Parkway. They got some sandwiches at a deli and walked over to a beautiful park that was right in the center of town. There were paths and benches and a small lake that wound its' way along the trees and flower beds.

They found a bench that was tucked under a tree but still near the lake. There was a small jungle gym not too far away behind them and Alex was smiling as she watched the children playing on the equipment.

"Eames."

She knew it was coming. "Goren."

Instead of smiling, he grew very serious.

"Ray Wisneski…tell me what you were going to say."

She put the last small piece of her sandwich on the bench and pulled her knees up to her chest. She kept her eyes on the lake as she began.

"You told him about your mother's cancer before you told me."

He closed his eyes and waited for her to continue. He knew what was coming.

"Do you have any idea how much it hurt me to learn about your mother being sick like that?"

He didn't say a word.

She pressed on.

"That was only the beginning, Bobby. Time and time again, I had to sit there and find things out about your family when you would reveal them to everyone else but me."

Before she knew it she was crying. She couldn't stop herself.

"Do you have any idea how much it hurt me?"

He hesitated for a minute before he answered.

"I had a feeling I was hurting you."

Alex blinked her eyes open wide.

"You mean, you meant to hurt me?" Her tears were streaming down her face.

He squatted down in front of her, resting his hands on the bench. She dropped her legs and he moved his hands to her knees.

"Alex. Try to understand where I was coming from. You were closing me off from every part of your life. I was doing what we talked about. I was shutting you out because you shut me out."

She put her hands to her face to hide her pain. This only made him more anguished. He moved so he was kneeling then grabbed onto her hips. He buried his head in her lap, hugging her tightly.

"You have no idea how much it hurt me to hear you confess your family secrets to people who didn't even know you; to people who were criminals. But me? You wouldn't tell me a thing. If I asked you anything you'd brush me off."

He raised his head to look at her. He knew what was coming and he was ready for it.

"You confided in Nicole Wallace. But you shut me out." Her voice sounded cold and deadened.

His instinct was to jump up and walk away. His body was shaking with the desire to do so. He stood up lightening quick but then froze.

This was Eames. She was pouring her soul out to him. He made her feel this way. Worst yet, he did it on purpose. He thought of Dr. Olivet. How would he explain to her that he just walked away; leaving Eames to cry in a park after baring her feelings to him. He thought of Olivet's words…'listen to her'.

He stepped back and forth, back and forth. He picked up the remnants of their lunch and tossed them into a nearby garbage can. Then he sat back down.

"I don't know how to explain what I did. I guess maybe I did it on purpose. Just like the book, Eames. I was mad at you, so I wanted to hurt you. And I did… and I'm sorry. I can't tell you how sorry I am."

Armed with the knowledge of why he did it, she couldn't stop herself from fully breaking down. She was distraught knowing that her initial action caused all of this.

In between sobs she tried to speak, "you know…I wasn't always like this…I think it all started when…"

"Shhhhh." He knew what she was going to say. She was going to say that her husband's death made her shut people out. But he didn't want to hear about it. He couldn't.

He didn't want to hear about the fact that she was once married and happy. He knew that if she still was, there would be no way in hell they would be sitting where they are now. She would have left that transfer request in effect years ago. There would be no Goren and Eames. It would just be Goren and whoever NYPD stuck him with. It's something he always knew and always felt guilty about because there was a part of him that was glad she was now single. If she wasn't, he was convinced she wouldn't be in his life.

The guilt of those feelings overwhelmed him. But so did Olivet's words.

"I'm sorry, Eames. I didn't mean to cut you off. You were going to say something." He held his breath.

"I was going to say that when Joe died, something in me died as well."

He tried to shut down his hearing. There was no way he wanted to know this.

"Before, I was easy going, I was happy. I loved being a cop but I didn't feel like I needed to prove how tough I was. I knew I was tough. That's all I needed. Then when he was killed everyone looked at me differently. They started looking at me like I was this sad, weak widow. I hated that. I hated that people thought I couldn't take care of myself. It was then that I stopped showing my feelings. I thought if someone saw me upset they would think that I couldn't handle anything because I was still grieving. I wouldn't allow myself to be seen as vulnerable because that is a sign of weakness."

They were sitting but facing each other while she poured her heart out. He was mesmerized by her. Just a minute ago he thought he couldn't hear it from her. But now he was so thankful he didn't walk away.

"So that included how you dealt with me…with us."

"Absolutely. I didn't want you to think I was weak."

He couldn't help it when his body twitched with a shock from her words.

"That's not what I would have thought."

"I know that now. I know I should have opened myself up to you a long time ago. I wanted to, but I was too afraid to show weakness to you."

"Being sad or scared isn't the same as being weak. And Eames, I would never in a million years think of you as anything but strong. No matter what you revealed to me."

She bent her head down, "man, I really screwed things up. If I wasn't so damn pig-headed this wouldn't have gotten to where it is now."

"Eames, you weren't the only one being stubborn. I was keeping pace and then some."

"No, Bobby, I'm sorry but -"

"Wait. Just wait. Listen. You need to let go of feeling sorry about all of this. So do I. We made each other miserable. On purpose. But now we're going to stop. Can we agree on that?"

She looked at him, "yes, definitely."

"Good." He stood up and pulled her into his arms. They held each other tightly and for a long time. Neither willing to let go.

--

They dropped the car off at Lewis'.

"Detective Alex, looking as beautiful as ever!"

Bobby just smiled at his friend as he silently agreed. He thought she looked beautiful and very sexy in her sleeveless blouse, and those high healed shoes really accented her legs.

Bobby watched her as Lewis showed her his Bel Air. Lewis was leading her around the car talking non-stop about it. He told her some of the more colorful stories about how he acquired certain parts. When she would laugh with him he would touch her arm or her back and Bobby would feel a pang of jealousy stab at his gut.

Alex noticed his grimace and decided that she should put an end to Lewis' story telling and touching. She had a feeling the pained look on Bobby's face was related to Lewis' flirting.

"I wanted to thank you for letting us take your Mustang again. It's such a sweet car, Lewis." She said as she admired the classic one more time.

"Glad you like it Detective Alex. But you know, anytime you want a ride in it, all you have to do is call me. I'll pick you up whenever you want."

Before she could reply, Bobby jumped in, "alright, that's enough, Lewis. We're leaving now." He tried to sound like he was joking but both Lewis and Alex knew he wasn't. Lewis couldn't let it pass.

"What's the matter Bobby boy? Can't handle a little competition?" He was teasing his friend even though he knew he was crossing the line.

"Goodbye, Lewis." He said gruffly as he placed his hand on the small of Alex's back and led her back to his car.

They were walking back to Bobby's car when Alex looked up at him and tried to joke him out of his mood.

"I don't know, Bobby. I don't think it was wise getting upset with him...you may have just cut us off from that car."

"What makes you think I got upset?" She heard the sound of his voice and knew he wasn't in the mood for jokes.

She hesitated for a minute and turned to him.

"I think you got a little jealous because he was flirting with me." She wanted to see his reaction to being accused of being jealous.

"Was he flirting? I didn't notice." He replied curtly. She couldn't tell if he was joking or being serious.

"Bobby."

"I can't help it, Eames." His frustration reached the point where he had to say something. "I don't like it when any guy does stuff like that to you, not even Lewis."

"What stuff? Who are these guys and what do they do?"

His arms were flailing in aggravation. He just wanted this conversation stopped.

"They flirt, they leer, they stare at your...you...like you're...I don't know..."

"A woman?" She was enjoying herself.

He suddenly put both hands on her arms. Now she could tell he wasn't joking.

"No, Eames. They don't look at you with respect. They look at you like you're just a woman."

"Well that's what I am, Bobby."

"No, you're more than just a woman. You're a beautiful, caring, special woman. You deserve so much more than to just be thought of as...you know..."

She couldn't take it anymore. She felt so bad for him as she watched him struggle with his words.

"I get it, Bobby. And I thank you for caring that much about me."

He pursed his lips and gave her a small nod as he opened the car door for her.

As she was about to get in she gave him a quick look, "you really think I'm special?"

"Yeah, Eames. I think you're really special." Now she knew his smile was sincere. He wasn't mad anymore.

--

Alex was lying in bed thinking about the day. She was happy with the progress that made but something was bothering her. She couldn't put her finger on what it was. She replayed their conversation in her head over and over.

She called him.

"Hey."

"Eames? Do we have a call?" He squinted at the clock. 12:19 a.m.

"Uh, no. I, uh, I just…wanted to call I guess."

"Me, too."

"What do you mean by that, Goren?"

"Well, I'm sitting here thinking about the day, but I feel like there's something wrong and I don't know why."

"And you can't sleep."

"Exactly." He sighed as he threw a forearm across his eyes.

"We're pathetic." She rolled onto her belly and propped herself up on her elbows. He chuckled at her assessment.

After a long pause he spoke, "well, if there isn't anything else…"

"Okay, but call me back if you need to."

"I will, Eames. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Bobby."

She closed her phone and let her head slam down onto the pillow. Slowly her eyes opened. She got up and threw on a pair of shorts to go with her t-shirt. Before she new it, she had her shoes on and was headed out the door.

--

Bobby was lying in his dark room but was still wide awake when he heard the sound of his door being unlocked. He knew it was Alex.

He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.

He heard her bare feet patter into his room. Then he felt the covers pull and the bed sink down. His whole body shivered. He was on his side so she slid right up behind him, pressing her breasts against his bare back and her legs against his own. She wrapped an arm around his stomach and he felt her softly kiss his back. Somehow he was able to suppress a groan.

"Eames." He said just above a whisper.

"I'm sorry, Bobby. I didn't mean to wake you."

"No, it's quite alright, you feel…good." He was dying to ask her why she was there but he was afraid he might scare her off if he did.

"Bobby, I know what was bothering me."

He made a move to change position but she tightened her grip on his stomach, "no, please stay like this?"

"Sure Eames, what ever you want."

She waited a minute before she spoke.

"Bobby, I know we've come a long way. And I know that we haven't even gotten to anything that's bothering you, and we will. But I keep thinkin' about our talk today, and I don't want you to feel bad about what I said. I don't want you beatin' yourself up over how hurt I was…you know…about what I told you. Because it was all my fault, Bobby. Not yours."

"Eames, don't -"

"No. Listen….all that is behind us. I don't want you worryin' about any of it….That's why I'm here right now. I want to, no, I need to make sure that you're okay. I need to make sure that you know I'm alright."

"You were worried… about me?" He didn't remember the last time anyone told him they were worried about him.

"Yes, I was worried I hurt you."

"Eames, just stay here with me and I'll be alright. You coming here to check on me means more than you will ever know."

He rested his hand over the one she had clinging to his belly. He felt her nose snuggle into the space where his back met the bed; her breath was warm against his skin. She kissed him again, "this is nice, Bobby."

"I could get very used to this, Eames."

"Mmm."

Alex realized that everything felt right. She was finally at ease.

They drifted off to sleep.

--


	5. Chapter 5

--

It was barely light out when Bobby's cell phone rang. They were tangled in each other.

"Goren." He said as he as his jaw rested on the top of Alex's head. He ran his hand down her arm.

She listened to his side of the conversation and she rubbed her eyes.

"Uh, okay", he untangled himself and sat up to grab a pen and paper from his nightstand. "Where?" He wrote down an address.

"Eames isn't answering her cell?" He turned to look at her with a smile in his eyes. She tightened her lips and nodded. She had forgotten to take her phone with her.

"Okay, don't worry, Captain. I'll track her down." She grinned to herself, her eyes were closed.

"Uh, no reason to send a uniform to her place. I need to pick her up anyway, I'll take care of it." He was watching her as he talked to Ross.

"We'll be there within the hour."

He closed his phone and chuckled. "Apparently, you forgot your phone."

"Apparently."

He sighed.

"Give me 15 minutes to grab a shower and change, then we'll head to your place."

"You know where I'll be in the mean time." She pulled the sheet around her.

"No falling back to sleep, Eames."

"Killjoy."

--

The new case kept them busy for the better part of two weeks.

They spent most of that time together, but it was all work and no play. During that time, they noticed that their connection to each other was stronger. They felt more in sync, more like they used to.

"Have you noticed that you're happier lately?" Alex casually asked Bobby as they ate lunch in the conference room.

"Yes, I have. How 'bout you? How've you been?"

"Relaxed. Content. Relieved."

"Like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders?" He asked her with a knowing look.

"Yeah. The weight it gone. I'm happy....but I miss you."

He laughed, "we see each other every day, Eames."

"Yeah, I know. But we still have more to talk about. And, I miss spending fun time with you."

He felt his body wash over with a feeling he wasn't used to. He thought about it for a second. Want? Longing? Desire? Need? It was need.

Before he could respond to her Ross called them into his office.

--

The day didn't want to end. They chased leads, ran through video, tackled paperwork, and had another meeting with Ross.

"I feel like I'm the walking dead." Alex said as she poured herself into the passenger side of the SUV.

"I'm driving? You must be tired."

"I'm so tired I can't even think straight."

"Then don't, I'll wake you when we're at your house."

--

A short time later Bobby is nudging Alex awake. She got herself in motion and somehow managed to get inside her house. Once inside she headed for the couch but Bobby directed her to her bathroom.

"I'll get your bed ready, you just get yourself all set."

She barely got out a thank you as he closed the door for her.

Bobby laughed at the sight of Eames' bed. It was a disheveled mess. He pictured her in the morning. Waiting until the last possible second to get out of bed and leaving no time to make it. He thought of her in his bed. Both times he had her in it he noticed how much she loved to snuggle into the pillows, how she seemed to never want to get up. His mind raced to the thought of having her in his bed every night. After lingering on that thought for a moment he decided he would never be so lucky.

He made the bed then carefully pulled down the covers. He could hear the water still running in the bathroom. He realized she decided to take a shower so he sat in the chair she had in the corner of the room and waited for her. He rested his head back and closed his eyes while he ran through the case in his head, thinking about all that was frustrating him.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound the bathroom door opening. He lifted his head, opened his eyes and found her walking into the room in a towel. He could feel his heart begin to pound but he didn't say a word. He felt frozen in place.

She didn't realize he was in there. Her back was to him as she went to her dresser, got out a pair of panties, and slipped them up and under the towel. Then she pulled out a tank top and dropped the towel.

His mouth hung open and he tried to push words, or even a sound, out of his mouth but nothing would happen. He just sat there, eyes wide and slack jawed. He watched her as she pulled the tank top over her head. Then she turned around and saw him.

"Shit, Bobby! I didn't know you were in here!" She sounded startled.

He still couldn't make a sound. He just shook his head back and forth like an idiot.

She realized how embarrassed he was. She knew he wasn't hiding back there, it was an honest mistake, so she tried to change the subject. She looked at her bed, then looked back at him.

"Wow, look at my bed! I can't even remember the last time it was made. I should bring you home with me more often." She gave him a half smile.

He had finally closed his mouth and readjusted himself in the chair. He was looking more like the confident Bobby that she knew but he still didn't say anything.

"Thank you for gettin' me home and for doin' that", she motioned to the bed, "I feel so good after that shower, I think could sleep for days."

"Can't sleep that long, Eames…We do have work tomorrow."

"Ugh, you sure do know how to ruin a good mood." The both chuckled.

She went over to the bed and slid under the covers. "Mmm. Nice."

He felt a lump in his throat. He quickly stood up. "Okay, Eames. I'll lock the door on my way out."

"Bobby, it's late. Just stay." He heard her say it and the lump in his throat got bigger.

"Not a good idea."

"You keep sayin' that."

"It keeps being the truth."

"Bobby, I miss you." She got very shy. Her voice lowered. "Please…stay."

"What's gonna happen if I do?"

"We're gonna sleep?"

He let out a huge breath and looked at the door.

"I miss you." She added.

That feeling of need rushed back through him. _I do need her near me... she must feel the same way_, he thought.

He removed his jacket, tie, shoes, and socks. Without another thought he went to the bathroom, then grabbed a pair of shorts from his stash of clothes he had in her spare bedroom. After making sure the front door was locked he went back to her room.

Alex was already asleep. He felt himself relax. He sat down on the bed and unbuttoned his shirt. He watched her sleep. He thought of how surreal it felt to be there. He's stayed at Alex's before, but he never shared her bed with her. He would sleep on the couch or in her spare bedroom. This felt too comfortable for his own liking. He was imaging this as being normal; that he was coming to bed as if he did it every night. He pretended that Alex was always there waiting for him. It was a cruel game he was playing with himself. He knew it but he didn't want to stop. He stood up and looked down at her sleeping form as he stepped out of his pants and put on his shorts. He kept watching her as he slid into her bed.

He didn't know quite what to do. He wanted to reach out to her but he felt like it was wrong seeing that she was asleep. He decided he should just keep his hands to himself because he didn't know what she would have done if she was still awake at this point.

He was lying on his back for only a few minutes when he felt her shift position and inch her way over to him.

"Alex?" He whispered but didn't get a response. She was still asleep.

He felt her little hands seeking his body. She ran one hand over his chest, resting it up around his neck. Her other hand slid under his arm. She was on her side and leaning her body against his. Her leg draped across his.

He covered her hand that was on his neck with his own. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. She squirmed a little when he did that and it made him smile.

Sleep came quickly for him as well.

--

Morning came and Bobby realized he was spooning Alex. Her tiny body was engulfed by his large frame. Both of his arms were wrapped around her. She was using his lower arm as a pillow; his upper one was tucked under her hip.

He was enjoying the feeling of having her in his arms when the alarm went off.

"Ten more minutes." She pleaded. Bobby wasn't sure if she was talking to him or the alarm clock.

He laughed lightly then he leaned over her and hit the snooze button.

Ten minutes later the buzzing began again.

"Make it stop." She groaned.

"I bet that snooze button of yours gets quite a work out."

"You have no idea."

He laughed again. His laughter seemed to irritate her.

"How can you be so cheerful in the morning? You say you don't sleep that much, I would think you'd be cranky."

"Maybe I don't require a lot of sleep."

"You suck then." She deadpanned.

"You know, it's hard for me not to wake up happy when you're so entertaining in the morning, Eames."

She shifted around so she was on her back. He kept his hand tucked around her hip and she could feel him rubbing his thumb back and forth.

"I'm happy I can be a source of pleasure for you, Goren."

One of his eyebrows raised at her and she blushed at her unintended double entendre.

"Well, Eames, I don't think you really meant that the way it sounded…but I have to say…I think you'd be quite a source of pleasure for me", he teasingly whispered into her ear.

"Don't you wish." She felt like she was twelve coming back with a response like that, but at that moment she really couldn't think straight.

He gave her a sideways grin then parroted her earlier answer to him, "you have no idea."

--

Three days later they wrapped up the case. It was time for a much needed weekend off.

"What are you going to do on your days off? She asked him as they were pushing paper.

"I was hoping to spend some of it with you."

"Oh! That sounds great…But on Saturday I have to go to a birthday party for my niece, Lauren."

"Okay, what are you doing after?"

"Well, it's going to take a while since it's out in Jersey. The party's at three. So between the drive there, the party, and the drive back it's gonna take a better part of the day…we're talking about me not gettin' back home until about six or seven… And that's assuming that my family doesn't hijack me for dinner."

"Oh." He looked disappointed.

"You can come with?" She gave him a look that was between a smile and a grimace.

"As much fun as it sounds, I think I'll have to pass. A birthday party for a…"

"She's turning four."

"Right, a birthday party for a four year old sounds loud and crazy."

"Oh." Now she looked disappointed. He felt bad. Then his mind flew to the memory of having his arms wrapped around her in bed and that feeling of need returned.

"Will Nate be there?"

"Yeah."

He smiled at her, "great, I'd love to see him."

"Perfect." She returned his smile tenfold.

--

The party was just what Goren expected. It was loud. There was a jumpy thing, a creepy clown, bad kiddy music, and lots and lots of screaming kids. But he did get to see Alex's family, and of course, Nate.

Nate makes Bobby feel good in a way that no one else does. He feels a connection to the boy, and he thinks that Nate feels the same way because his world seems to stop when he see's Bobby.

Today was no different. Nate was right in the middle of terrorizing the girls in the moon bounce when he saw Alex and Bobby walk in. He flew out of there and over to them. He squeezed Alex's legs, shutting his eyes tightly and screaming, "Hi Aunt Alex!", then as Bobby squatted down he jumped at the big man. Bobby held onto the boy's waist and lifted him high over his shoulders, much to Nate's delight.

"Bobby, Bobby, come watch me bounce!" And they were off.

Alex said her hello's to everyone while keeping an eye on Bobby and Nate. She loved to see them together. She always enjoyed watching Bobby interact with children, he seemed to have the gift of winning children over easily. So she wasn't surprised at how Bobby and Nate bonded, she was just a little surprised at how strong the bond was.

--

They were finally heading back home. As they exited the BQE she brought up Nate.

"You and Nate really seem to have a strong connection."

"Yes, we do."

"Why is that?"

"Well, I can't speak for him, but I know why I'm drawn to him...it's because of you."

She gave him a sideways glance, "Me? What do I have to do with anything?"

"Eames, if it wasn't for you, he wouldn't be here. You made him, and I every time I see him that's all I can think about."

"His parents made him, Bobby. I just incubated him." She sounded a little bitter to him so he tried to phrase his response as gently as he could. He prayed he was going to say the right thing.

He turned in the passenger seat so he as looking directly at her.

"Eames, Nate may have been created from your sister's egg and your bother-in-law's sperm, but he grew... inside of you. It's your blood that courses through his body; you gave him life...And well, I can't help but think about that when I see him. I know I'm drawn to him because of that."

He watched her as she turned onto her street. After parking the car she turned to him.

"You know, I'm not 'supposed' to think of him like that. I was told that I shouldn't view him as anything but my sister's child, my nephew. And I get that that's all our relation is. But my God, Bobby, I gave birth to the boy." She looked down, then quickly got out of the car. He followed her into her house.

Once they were inside he pulled her to the couch and sat her down.

"You have more to say, don't you." He watched her drop her head again.

"Thank you for saying what you said. It makes me so happy to know that you understand how I feel about Nate...Because what you said is exactly how I've always felt."

"You feel like no one gets it, like no one gets how hard being a surrogate really was."

She nodded at him allowing him to continue profiling her.

"Your family...your family glossed over the fact that you've been hurting all this time. You don't know if they are ignorant to your feelings or choose to ignore them out of uneasiness." His eyes were racing between her and the couch.

"Bobby." She turned around so she was sitting backward on the couch facing Bobby. Her knees were under her as she sat on her feet.

"Too much?"

"No, it's just..." She didn't know what to say. She heard him recite her exact feelings about her surrogacy and she was overwhelmed with emotion.

"What is it Alex?"

Alex. That did it.

She raised herself up a little, leaned over and tenderly kissed him.

He didn't want to freak her out by reading more into it than she meant. His mind started spinning. He didn't know how to take her kiss. He thought it felt like the one he gave her that day at the beach; like she was just trying to express caring and gratitude. So he sat there and let her steer them in the direction she wanted to go in.

She kept her mouth closed, so he did too. He felt her hand on his cheek, her index finger massaged his jaw. She held her lips to his, then kissed him again the same way. By now his body was racked with desire. It took all of his strength not to respond. He desperately wanted to open his mouth to her; he was surprised at his willpower.

She raised her head slightly and smiled at him, "your beard tickles."

He heard her voice. Sweet and tender. Just like her kiss. He thought he also heard trust in her tone. He was glad he didn't try to push the kiss further along.

"Tickles in a bad way or a good way?"

"Good! I've never kissed a guy with a beard before so I didn't know what to expect." She kept her face close to his.

"I kissed you at the beach...didn't that tickle?"

"I guess it did but it was so quick I didn't feel it as much."

"Well, any time you want to be tickled some more, I'll be glad to help you out." He swept some of her hair behind her ear. It wasn't in her eyes; he just wanted an excuse to touch her.

"Thank you, Bobby."

"For what?"

"For understanding me."

"You mean about Nate?"

"Yes, about Nate. I should have known you'd get it." She shook her head, "I should have known…but once again, there I was trying to pretend I could handle everything alone."

"Alex, please don't beat yourself up over it. We've been through the why's of all of this. Please let's just move forward. Just know that I do understand and so whenever you need to talk about it or cry about it...come to me."

She saw truth and love in his eyes. She leaned down and kissed him again. This time he felt her tongue glide along his bottom lip. He opened his mouth to her. His eyes rolled back and his hands found her waist. Her tongue hesitantly found his; gently sweeping and prodding. He responded with the same light touch and waited for her to either end or deepen the kiss. He had his eyes back open, watching her kiss him. Their lips were barely touching. They were focused only on what their tongues were doing. He thought it was an extremely sensual kiss.

When she did pull back she ran her fingers through his hair and opened her eyes.

"Were you watching me?" He heard amusement in her voice.

"Absolutely."

"Why 'absolutely'?"

"I wanted to see what you looked like as you kissed me. I mean, who knows if it will ever happen again...I wanted to remember every part of it."

Her fingers slid over his lips. "Keep sayin' stuff like that and it will definitely happen again."

He chuckled at her and squeezed her waist.

"Let's get something to eat." She pulled away and he immediately missed her.

--

They were cleaning up from their dinner when Bobby turned to her, "Eames, can I ask you a personal question."

"Go ahead."

She shut off the water and he handed her the dishtowel he had been using. She dried her hands then hung the towel on the oven rail.

"Do...do you want children of you own?"

"I think you mean, 'did' I want children."

"No...I know what I said."

She sighed and pushed herself onto the counter.

"Honestly? I don't know...there are times when I feel like I would love to have a child. But I always ask my why? I mean, my life is crazy. My job is demanding, the hours are erratic, but I love it and I don't want to change it...Sometimes I think I want to have a child just so I can feel what it's not to not have to give it away." She paused while she choked back tears, "then there are times that I think that I want to have a child because there is an empty part of me, a lonely part of me, that I think a baby will fill...And what about when I'm no longer a cop? What is my life going to be like then? And will I regret that I'm alone?"

"You really think you'll be alone forever? Don't you think you're going to find someone to share your life with again?"

Silence fell heavy over the room. What she wanted to say was on the tip of her tongue but she held back. She wanted to tell him that she was working on that problem right now...with him. She couldn't get the words out.

"I don't know, I may still find someone...but a baby? I know that technically I could still have one but in reality, I'm too old."

"Eames, don't say that...you're not old."

"I see what my nieces and nephews are like...they run circles around their parents. I'm exhausted just watching them."

He nodded at her as he thought of the birthday party they just attended.

"What about you, Goren...you'd be a great dad. You still have time."

"Ah, no. Not with my background. I'm better off stopping this particular bloodline."

"I personally, don't believe that for a minute. You have so many great qualities about you, I think a kid would be lucky to have you as a dad."

"Me...with a schizophrenic mother and a serial killer father. I don't think so, Eames." He said sarcastically.

She hesitated.

"Your father. I'm glad you brought him up. When we were investigating Frank's death, you asked me if I thought you were capable of murder...did you honestly believe I could think that of you?"

He put his head down for a minute.

"Eames, I was angry...so angry."

"Angry at me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Well...first of all, you believed that it was Nicole's heart...I wasn't ready to accept that as truth...But you did. I felt betrayed by you...I thought you would stand by me no matter what...Then you said she 'ran out of lives' and I all I could think was that you took Ross' side and well, that pissed me off."

"What else?" She was doing her best not to interrupt him.

"Then I found out my that phone records and my credit were both checked. I knew you were investigating me and you didn't tell me. I felt betrayed." He was pacing.

"By me."

"Yes! By you. You're the only one that matters." He was shouting at her.

Alex was frozen.

"I had to." She said softly.

"You had to." His voice dripped with disgust and anger. "You had to go behind my back? No, you just had to prove to everyone you could do your job."

"Bobby, no! I wasn't trying to prove anything. I was trying to clear you! Ross suspected you and I stood up for you. I told him there was no way you were responsible. He told me to rule you out and that is what I was doing. I never meant for you to feel betrayed. I was trying to help you."

He fell back a little bit then sat down in a chair. He put his elbows on the table and dropped his face in his hands.

"I thought you were getting back at me." He wasn't shouting anymore. He sounded defeated.

"For..."

"Yeah, for Testarossa."

Alex felt herself slink off the counter and onto the floor. She sat there in a ball, her face buried in her knees. Neither of them spoke for several minutes. Then she slowly got up and walked around the kitchen.

"I don't know if I have the strength to go over this again. I think I said all I needed to say to you that day." She sounded hurt, her voice was strained.

"You said what you wanted to say, but you walked out on me and didn't let me respond."

She got back up on the counter. "Okay, tell me now."

He stood up and moved toward her. He rocked back and forth a little. After a few deep breaths he began, "Well, the biggest thing I wanted to say was that you misunderstood me...When I said that you 'didn't get it', you took it totally different than how I meant it..." He stopped moving and put his hands on her knees.

"I didn't do all of that just to get my job back. I did it to get back...to you...to us...I need you in my life, Alex. And the only way you're in it is through work...so I did what I did for that reason."

He turned for the door, took a few steps then went back to Alex. He kissed her again, this time he wasn't nearly as gentle. He put all the longing and need he had for her into it; grabbing onto her hair and holding her face close to his. Her hands were on his chest. Just as she was snaking them up to his neck he pushed away from her.

"I'm…sorry, Eames. I promised myself I wouldn't do that. It won't happen again."

She called to him but he walked out the door without looking back.

--


	6. Chapter 6

**This chapter is M-ish (hear that, Snyder?! This shouldn't make you sad!)**

--

She slipped into his bed.

Just like that first night, he was on his right side and she snuggled in behind him. He heard her sniffling; as if she was just coming down from a long, hard cry. She slid her left hand around his belly and held him tight.

Bobby wanted to ask her what made her come over. It's not that he was entirely surprised she did. In fact he would have been more surprised if she didn't. He had felt her respond to his kiss. He felt her hands on him as they were moving for his neck. That kiss would have turned into something more very quickly. But he was certain that that 'something more' was the last thing they should be doing right at this point. So he chose to run away.

He felt her prop herself up on her right elbow and kiss his shoulder.

"Bobby." She kissed him again.

"Alex." He stayed on his side. He knew it was safer that way.

She kissed him again then spoke. "You never answered me. Did you really think I thought you capable of murder?" She used her right hand to play with his hair.

"In my gut? No. But that day…that day I was filled with so much emotion. I was desperate to engage you, but I didn't know how. I was being stupid and stubborn. I lashed out at you instead of coming to you and letting you help me through it…But just like always, when I needed you most I turned you away instead of letting you in."

"I'm sorry too, Bobby…in Rodger's office…I never should have gone against you in front of them. I should have taken you aside and spoken to you. I understand how that made you feel abandoned by me…You needed me and I didn't see it."

He didn't respond to what she said right away. Instead he took a hold of her left hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed her fingers tenderly.

"Alex," he sighed, "you see it now…you see how much I need you and you're not letting me run away…. That's all that matters."

She dropped her head onto a pillow and rested her forehead against his back. "So you're not mad I came over?"

"Mad you're here with me? Never." She could here a small amount of humor in his voice.

They stayed that way for a few minutes before she spoke again.

"Bobby, why do you think I don't ever want you to kiss me again? And why did you have to promise yourself you wouldn't do that in the first place?"

"Geez…no, I can't talk about that."

"Bobby… please just answer me."

"Kissing you…was wrong…I abused your trust in me."

"Who says?"

"What? I say…Eames…you've let me get very close to you. You've opened yourself up to me…that takes a tremendous amount of trust. And just because you trust me with your confidences, it doesn't mean you wanted me to kiss you…like that."

"Bobby…right now…I don't want you to kiss me like that. Right now I just like having the comfort of knowing that want me here and you accept me into your bed…into your personal space…We have a lot more to talk about before we…I don't know what we're going to do…but…Bobby…that kiss…I won't be forgetting that kiss and I hope that there will be a time that you'll give me plenty more just like it."

"But for now, Eames?"

"For right now, I need to be here with you…just like this…Is that okay with you?"

"Better than okay."

"Goodnight, then."

"G'night, Eames."

--

Morning arrived.

"Hi Dad, what's up?" Eames didn't forget her cell phone this time. She was sprawled out on her back as Bobby's watched her do her best to focus on her conversation. She had her feet out straight and one arm up over her head. He couldn't help but think that she looked like a very alluring offering.

He got up quickly and went to the bathroom. He needed to get away from her and the thoughts that were taking over his brain.

"Well, I'll run it by Bobby and see what he thinks. I'll call you back in a few." He heard her say as he came back into the room.

"That sounds interesting." He said as he sat down on the bed.

"Hang on a sec." She ran for the bathroom. He smiled to himself and laid back down, placing his hands behind his head.

She came back into the room and climbed back under the covers.

"So what's up?"

"Well, my dad invited me for dinner at my parents' tonight. I told him that we were spending the day together," she stopped when she saw the surprised look on his face. "Uh, I mean…well…I'm sorry, I just assumed that we might be. I'm sorry…did I overstep…"

He cut her off, "No, not at all! I was just a little surprised because we hadn't talked about today yet. I figured you had enough of me so I was just…surprised."

"Well, would you like to do something today…with me?"

"That'd be nice."

"Good. So then, if you're up for another Eames' assault, we could go for round two at my parents house…but I have to warn you…they're inviting the whole crew."

He rolled onto his side and smiled at her.

"Nothing I'd like more."

"Nothing?" She gave him a seductive smile and he felt a fire ignite in his groin.

"Alex, please don't do that to me. I can only take so much."

A shiver ran through her body. She wanted him, badly.

Alex inched herself toward him. "Bobby… tell me what you want." Her words sounded sweet and seductive.

"Alex, this isn't right." He put his hands out to keep her away but she took his hands and put them on her waist as she pulled herself right up against him.

"Please, tell me."

"You - you said last night that you don't want this right now."

"That was then."

"We have so much more to talk about."

"What about this, though…what about what we're feeling? This isn't new for me, and I don't think it's new for you."

He shook his head.

She continued. "I think these feelings are part of our problem. With all of the shit we've put each other through, there has always been this." She motioned between them. "This desire to be here…like this. I know it's been there for me, how about you?"

"I've always wanted you, Alex."

"Well then, we can keep on ignoring it…or…acknowledge it. I mean, no matter how much more we talk about… this is something we eventually have to deal with."

"You're sure?"

"Never been more sure."

He kissed her again like he did last night. She moved to climb on top of him but he stopped her.

"Please, can we just…go slow?"

"What ever you want, Bobby."

He groaned in her ear then laid her back.

He wanted to remember every part of this moment, and of her. Carefully he peeled her clothes off of her while he kissed and licked her body. He wanted to show her how much he loved her.

As he kissed her tenderly, his hand massaged her thigh. Gently easing her legs apart while he inched closer and closer to her center. He could hear her moaning in response. He was ecstatic that he was making her happy.

He felt her hesitate so his eyes flew open. "Bobby, I don't have a condom." His eyes opened wide. "Shit! I don't know if I do, either." He jumped up and started rifling through his nightstand drawer. She turned on her side and watched him with a smile. "Look at you go, Goren! You look pretty determined to find one in there."

He stopped his rummaging and looked at her seriously. Then, a smile spread across his lips as he pulled out a small strip of condoms. "Pay dirt." She giggled at him and he moved back over to her.

"I don't know, Eames…you looked pretty relieved yourself when I showed you what I found."

"Come over here, Bobby." Her voice was deep and soft. He did as he was told.

"I wanna show you how happy I am that you found those." She pulled his neck to her and kissed him passionately. She moved her hand down to his shorts and he watched it disappear. The minute she took hold of him his whole body shuddered and he let out a loud groan. He heard her laugh seductively and it made him even harder.

She used her other hand to push his shorts down, then he used his legs and feet to get them off completely.

He gently pushed her onto her back. "Do you know how much I'm enjoying you?...Discovering every inch of you…you're so warm and soft…" then he started kissing and licking her again, "you taste so sweet, just like I knew you would." His words were just as effective as his actions in getting Alex close to a climax. She could feel it building.

"Bobby, my God, Bobby…I want you so much."

He put on the condom then moved on top of her. He kissed her deeply then reached down between them and guided himself into her.

They moaned in unison and she closed her eyes as she tilted her head back. He kissed her neck then moved to her ear. He was breathing heavily as begged her, "Open your eyes, baby…please look at me." His face was now over hers. She opened her eyes and he started gently moving. His pace was slow, she could feel him almost pull out then glide back in...over and over. They never took their eyes off of each other as they took in how their bodies moved together.

"You feel incredible." He whispered. Then he ran a hand over her breasts and down to her thighs. She responded by wrapping her legs around his waist, locking her ankles behind him. "No one has ever made me feel the way I feel right now…only you, Bobby."

He smiled at her and began leaving soft kisses around her face. "I wish I could stay here forever." His hand was now raking through her hair.

She took his face in both hands, "who says you can't?"

"Oh God, Alex." he groaned as he lowered his lips to hers. His kiss was tender and loving. It was killing him to not quicken the pace but he wanted this moment to last as long as he could stretch it out for.

Their eyes were locked again after the kiss. "Bobby…do you have any idea how much I love you?"

"I think I do."

"Well, I hope that I can erase any doubts you might have about us…because I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life."

Her words were undoing him. Apparently, they were effecting her as well because he felt her body shudder beneath him. The thought of her coming sent him to his own climax. He collapsed on top of her, panting heavily.

He buried his face in her neck and she softly kissed his shoulder as she ran her hands through his hair.

"That was wonderful." She purred in his ear.

"You are wonderful." He kissed her ear.

"I think we're gonna need more condoms." She declared and he chuckled at her.

"I don't want to get up." He started to roll off of her but she clamped her legs around him again.

"Then don't. Let's just stay here all day." She kissed his neck.

"We can…until it's time to go to dinner."

"Shit, I forgot about that. I need to call my dad back….should I tell him no?" She asked playfully.

He laughed at her, "no…no we can't do that, Alex. But we will stop at the store on our way there." He gave her his boyish grin.

"You know, Goren…that look of yours makes me melt every time you use it on me."

"I'll keep that in mind, Eames." He grinned again and she laughed at him.

"Can I go back to sleep?"

"Call you dad, than you can sleep all morning."

That's just what she did.

--


	7. Chapter 7

--

Bobby woke up to an empty bed. He immediately began to stress. _She left? She left me. She realized her mistake and she took off. _He got up and began to pace. _Stop this; just…she'll let you know what she's thinking…just wait. _ He tried his best to calm down but he couldn't. All he could think of was the fact that she was gone. He decided to keep himself busy. He took a shower, got dressed, made his bed, and paced some more.

Not too much later he heard her open the door. He spun around and caught her eyes as she came through the door.

"What?" She asked him with a little bit of confusion.

"Uh, I…well…I was just wondering where you were." His guilt was apparent.

"Didn't you see my note?" She was beginning to understand.

"N..no."

She sighed. "Follow me." She led him into the bedroom. "Look, it dropped on the floor…here." She picked up a note off the floor and handed it to him.

He read it, _I went home to get some clothes, be back soon. A_.

She stood there and watched him turn as he dropped the note and threw his face in his hands. He threaded them through his hair then spoke, "I'm sorry... I jumped to conclusions."

"Yeah, you did." She was upset. "And look what I have." She opened her bag and showed him the contents. There were work clothes for the next day.

He hung his head.

"You didn't trust my feelings enough to know I wouldn't run out on you?" She was hurt by his lack of trust in her and he could hear it in her voice.

"Alex. I'm sorry. I don't know…I woke up to an empty bed and my mind went straight to a very bad place…It had nothing to do with you or your actions…It's all about my fears."

How could she argue with that? She understood him. As much as that initial thought hurt - that he could think she would run out - she understood his fear and accepted it. She pushed her feelings aside and went into comfort mode.

She pulled him into a hug. "I wasn't running away…I was trying to stay."

He kissed her and took her bag. He brought the bag into his room and left it on his bed. "When we get back later, you can put these things in the closet, or a drawer, or wherever they need to be."

Alex went over and hugged him because he sounded so distressed by the situation. She wanted to reassure him.

"I wasn't running …you know that now?"

"Yes…I'm sorry."

She kissed him, letting him feel her need for him. "I'm sorry that you thought really I left. I won't ever leave you, you know."

He kissed the side of her head and hugged her tightly. "I do."

--

They were in the car going to her parents. Alex was driving and Bobby was fiddling with the radio. He hit the scan button about every 2.5 seconds and it was driving Alex nuts. Station after station flew by. Just as she would hear a song she liked, bam!, it was gone.

"What was wrong with that song?" She blurted out, finally not able to contain her frustration.

"Uh…what song?" He sounded surprised at the tone of her voice.

"The one from about three stations ago!"

"Which station? I'll go back."

"I have no clue what station it was…you're flying through them so fast that I'm afraid you're going to overheat that scan button."

"Oh, uh…sorry… uh, here." He hit scan one more time then sat back. The radio settled on classical music.

"Oh, great…now you stop it." She took it upon herself to hit one of her presets. "There…now leave it!" She huffed, while she narrowed her eyes at him.

By then Bobby was working very hard at not bursting out laughing. A devilish grin was betraying him and she saw it. She gave him another dirty look but that only made him smile wider.

"Just so we're clear…you're not a fan of classical music?" His voice was heavy with wit.

Her first instinct was to get really mad at him for finding the whole funny, but then she saw the humor in it.

"Oh, so now you're a comedian, Goren?"

"I've been known to tell a joke or two." He quipped.

"Well, no joke…leave the radio alone." She tried to sound serious but the look on her face gave her away so he chuckled at her.

"You know you're beautiful when you're irritated at me." His eyes quickly scanned her up and down. His devilish grin was back.

"Well then…right now I must be radiant." She snarked.

He reached over and smoothed her hair. She looked at him and gave him a grin as she shook her head.

"Sometimes you're impossible, you know that?" She was looking back at the traffic in front of them.

Bobby just nodded and smiled to himself as he looked out the window. He felt so fortunate to be with her right then. He looked at her again and thought of how wonderful it felt to make love to her, and to be able to touch her and hold her. For the first time in years he actually felt happy. He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer of thanks to whom ever was listening to him.

--

A short time later, Alex started thinking about earlier that morning. She was focused on their conversation about condoms.

Before she knew it, the words flew out of her mouth.

"Bobby, I know why I didn't have a condom with me today, but why didn't you think you had any? Use them that quickly?" She tried to not sound jealous but she was aware that it didn't work.

He was taken aback by her question but recovered quickly. "No… just the opposite. It's been so long that I've needed one…I didn't know if there were any there."

"How long has it been?"

He fidgeted in his seat. "Let's just say a really long time…like before my mom got sick." He was blushing furiously.

"You mean to tell me that you, Bobby Goren, have not been with a girl in over two years?" She looked at him skeptically.

"This is embarrassing, Eames."

"Sorry… but why the dry spell?"

He wiped some sweat off his forehead. "It's not that I haven't been with anyone…there have been some one night stands…I just haven't had anyone back here since then."

"Oh." She had to press him on his answer. "But," she turned to him and saw him wince. She changed her mind because really, she wasn't surprised that he hadn't had anyone steady in his life. The past two years had not been easy on him, she could see how he didn't feel up to sharing any of it with anyone. She thought of him with the one night stands and she thought of how that made sense, too. He was probably just taking care of his physical needs.

So she was shocked when she heard him offer up an explanation, "Eames, the one nighters…they were just a convenience. There was only one person that I wanted to have a relationship with but I thought she was out of reach…I didn't have any desire to be with anyone else.

He looked at her while he waited for her to respond.

"You mean…you were waiting for someone in particular?"

"Yes... and of course, you're that someone."

She kept her eyes on the road but grinned furiously.

He decided to put her on the hot seat.

"And what about you…why didn't you have any condoms? Are you used to your boyfriends supplying them?"

"Well, to be honest, yes. I mean, the last guy I was with always had them," she looked over at him and noticed how crestfallen he looked, "but Bobby that was a long time ago….before I was kidnapped, actually. There's been nobody since then." He cringed at the thought of one more thing that Jo Gage took from her but let the thought go without mentioning it. He also knew that that was the same reason he wasn't with anyone else. Almost losing her made him realize the depth his feelings for her. After that, he lost all interest in anyone but Eames.

He pressed further. "Wouldn't you be better off carrying them yourself? I mean, aren't you afraid that a guy might damage a condom on purpose?"

"Yeah…I've thought about that…and that's why I'm also on the pill. Can't be too careful."

He nodded in agreement then they let the subject drift away.

--

Dinner at the Eames' a lot less hectic than they thought it would be.

Even though everyone was invited, the ones with the young kids bowed out. All that were there were Alex and Bobby, her brother Mark and his wife Ally, and her sister Jen. They had fun watching football and relaxing. The two partners had no idea that they were being watched. They were the hot topic of conversation at the Eames' before they got there.

Jen, in particular, was very curious as to why Bobby was at a family gathering two days in a row. Actually, everyone else figured why but only Jen had the nerve to press her sister on it. She pulled Alex aside when everyone was cleaning up from dinner.

"So, Lex…what's up with you and your gorgeous partner?"

"What do you mean, Jen?" Alex was trying to pretend that nothing was going on. Jen was having none of it.

"What I mean is why he is with you two days in a row? I mean, when was the last time he was here? Maybe a year ago? Then suddenly you have him in tow not one but two days straight." She paused then looked straight in Alex's eyes. "Not to mention that the two of you haven't been able to keep your eyes off each other…so now…how long has this been going on?"

Alex looked at her sister with candor in her eyes, "since this morning."

"What?! Damn, Lex! Dish!"

"Jen, first of all, relax! Second…we've been through a lot lately. More than I can tell you." She looked at her sister, trying to convey her seriousness, and then continued, "All you need to know right now is that we love each other and we're trying our best to work this all out."

"So…you mean that you're hot for each other and you're trying to make it happen?"

Alex couldn't help but chuckle at her little sister's synopsis. "Yeah…I guess that's what I mean…BUT, JEN! Please keep this between us!"

"Lex, you've got it."

Alex hugged her sister then went into the kitchen to see if she could help her mom with dessert.

Jen watched Alex go into the kitchen then went straight for Bobby. He was just coming out of the bathroom. She stopped him in the hall.

"Hey, Bobby."

"Hi, Jen…how ya doin?"

"Well, I'm great….but I hear that you and my sister are sleeping together."

Bobby choked on the air he was breathing. He did his best to appear calm. "Uh, Jen…what?"

"It's okay. Lex told me that you two love each other and that you're trying to work it out…So…what's up?"

Bobby was immediately sweating. He couldn't believe that Alex let on to her sister that easily. But, since she's asking, he knew he couldn't just deny it. "Well, Jen…I do love your sister, but I'm just surprised she told you about this."

"Bobby, relax, okay?" She gave him a sympathetic grin. "It's just…as you know, Alex has been through more than her fair share of hard times. And, well…since you're the one who she's decided to let into her life, I just want to make sure that you'll take care of her…that you'll make sure she's happy."

"Jen, I thank you for caring enough about Alex to confront me like this. And you're right, I'm going to do the best I can to make sure that she's happy."

Jen leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. "I know you will." She walked away and left Bobby standing there looking shocked. It did make him glad to know that Jen accepted that he and Alex were becoming more than partners. He was hoping that meant the rest of the Eames' would be as welcoming.

**--**

**Later that night**

"I wanna know what you're afraid of." Bobby was sitting on his couch; she was sitting in his lap.

"Eames." He gave her a look of impatience.

"No, seriously Bobby…what is something you're really, really afraid of?" Her hands were wrapped around his neck. Her fingers were playing with his hair.

He tightened his lips in aggravation. But at the same time, he sensed her eyes on him. He knew she was waiting for an answer. There was no way out. He took a huge breath.

"Spiders." He closed his eyes and shivered.

"What about 'em do you hate?"

"Everything…the way they creep, how they look, the thought of them crawling on me, or being on something I pick up…uuuuck…they just give me the chills." He shivered again.

She snuggled into him, "I'll protect you from them."

He smiled into her hair and ran his hand down her back. He knew she would, too.

"What about you, Eames…what are you afraid of?"

"Spiders."

He chuckled then whispered in her ear, "And I'll protect you from them, too."

They stayed that way for a few minutes before she spoke.

"You know, Bobby…you've done a really great job keeping all of our talks only about me and my feelings." She gave him a look that let him know she was on to him.

"Figured that out, huh?" He said sheepishly.

She ignored his question, "so…what is something that's been on your mind?"

"Eames, you know how much I hate this."

"I know Bobby…but this isn't a one-way street. You can't keep things bottled up."

"Why not? Aren't we gettin' better?"

She was getting aggravated but she tried her best to sound calm. "We are getting better…but I need more from you…please do this for me…and for us."

He was silent for a few minutes. She could see that he was struggling with himself.

"Do you remember Schoor Labs." He asked her.

"Yeah, I remember that one…the tainted mouthwash."

"The woman…Leslie LeZard…she said that I tainted your career…and I asked you if you ever worried about what she said…and you said that 'you did but now it's too late'…what did you mean by that?"

"Oh, Bobby…I knew that you would be concerned about that." She lifted herself off of his lap and sat next to him on the couch, but faced him with her legs crossed in front of her. She saw the worried look on his face when she moved away from him, so she took a hold of his hand with both of hers. "Here goes…when I first got to Major Case I did have visions of moving up the ladder. I thought I wanted to work toward being a captain. But then…I met my partner." She picked up his hand and kissed it but she could tell he was already feeling guilty about where this was going.

"Hey! Don't look so upset…what I'm sayin' isn't a bad thing!" He shook his head. "Well, just listen to me and stop beatin' yourself up…Okay… where was I?...My new partner…well my partner had a knack for ticking off the brass. He's actually quite good at it." She saw him give her a sideways glance and she smiled at him.

"What I've learned from all of his antics is that he's a damn good detective…and while he may not always play by the rules, he's usually right…So then it was like I had an awakening of sorts. I saw that a person can do their job well, but doing that doesn't always get them a smiley face sticker at the end of the day…I also learned what it takes to get those stickers. It takes playing nice with others all the time and following all the rules. And it occurred to me…there isn't any fun in playing by the rules. Then I realized that in order to advance in the department, I'd have to play nice and kiss ass and, really…I'd have to worry more about keeping up appearances than doing my job. After a while I knew that I would rather catch the criminals and do it 'our way', then kiss ass, play politics, and get a promotion…because I love my job…Then…and here's the important part, Goren, so you better pay attention…Then I realized I was in love with my partner and there wasn't anywhere else I'd rather be than working Major Case with him."

He let out a huge breath. "Eames…"

"Don't even say you're sorry."

"Eames, think about it…you had a vision of a different life."

"Yeah, but I know eventually I would have seen that in order to get ahead I'd have to play the political game and there is no way that I would have been able to do that. You just showed me that sooner than later. Luckily, I didn't ruin my happiness by chasing something I would have been miserable doing."

He felt relieved by her answer. "Thank you for your honesty, Eames."

"Well, I love you , Bobby. I don't want any other life than the one I have right now…the one that lets me tell you I love you." She leaned over and gave him a chaste kiss.

He smiled at her. Then he thought of something he'd been wanting to share with her but he'd been too afraid to. Before he could second guess himself he blurted out, "I want to tell you something. It's about my mom… and Brady." His head was down, as if he was ashamed. She hated to see him like that.

"I…I choked him…Brady. It was when I went to see him alone…But before I get to that, I have something else to tell you first." He was wringing his hands together and his eyes were closed.

Then he opened them, looked right at her and continued. "I had coffee with Frank during that case, I saw him after you and I found out that Brady and my mom knew each other. Frank…he told me something I never knew. See, my mom went and stayed with my grandmother once and I thought it was because Grandma was sick…But Frank told me that it was because my mom went upstate with Uncle Mark and that she had been in a car accident so she stayed with Grandma while she was getting better. Frank said that when mom came back she was all black and blue."

"I know, Eames… I know that Brady did that to her. He did that to her and he changed her. She wasn't good after that. She went from happy to crazy like someone flipped a light switch. It was because of that time with him." He paused for a minute. He rubbed his hand across his mouth, took a deep breath, then continued in a soft voice.

"So the day I went to see Brady alone… the day my mom died…he told…he told me that he would visit my mother. Then he told me he was with her the night JFK was elected. Eames, I was born nine months later…He just sat there and waited for my reaction." Bobby started to raise his voice as his agitation grew. "That son-of-a-bitch knew…he knew the whole time…and all of it was just a game to him. He was playing with me…you saw it… and the captain? he saw it…and in a way I did too, but I was at the point where I needed to see him and hear him say what I was so afraid of. Then he did…and that look in his eyes made me want to kill him…I lunged across the table at him and pushed him to the wall…God, I wanted to choke the life out of him…and he…he was begging me to do it…then I heard his voice and that bastard was excited to have my hands wrapped around his neck! Then I realized that he was trying to get me to be just like him. And for that split second, I thought that maybe I could be… I let him go and fell onto the table. I was crying, Eames…I was crying in front of a serial killer who, oh yeah, was my fucking father!"

Tears were forming in his eyes. "He told me…he told me that she was the one woman he could have loved…I think that's why he beat her. And she survived it because she loved him, she didn't fight back. Just like that one victim we spoke to…the one he brought upstate."

"Later that day I went to see my mother. She was so close to death so I decided I wasn't going to bring Brady up. But she did…she told me that Frank had said I was asking about 'Uncle Mark'. And I could tell, I could tell by her voice and her eyes that what Brady said was true…Then…then she told me she was never really sure who my father was. It crushed me, I was devastated." He took a deep breath. "And then…she died. The last thing I did for my mother was make her cry…" His voice was cracked from forcing the words out. He was fighting tears the whole time and finally lost the battle. He let his head rest against the back of the couch.

Alex sensed that he was done speaking. She crawled back onto his lap and wrapped her arms around him.

She closed her eyes. Her face was streaked with tears. She sat there and thought about all the anger she'd been holding onto because of that case. She hated Brady right from the start. But then knowing he was playing games with them while Bobby's mom was in the last day's of life, forcing him to leave his mom alone made her even madder. Then she thought of how she had stood right in front of the captain and promised that Bobby was okay, and that she would make sure he didn't get too wrapped up in the case only to have him brush her aside. She remembered begging him, telling him that he needed to listen to her because they were partners, but he still dismissed her…and she let him. At the time she wanted to scream at him but she didn't. Then his mom died and she could never bring it up to him at that point. After that it was too late, so the resentment and anger from that case just piled on top of the rest. _If you give a mouse a cookie_, she thought to herself as she hugged him.

She could feel his body shaking from holding back sobs. "Let it go, trust me to help you." And he did. He let it all out. He couldn't remember crying like that, ever. He was much too proud for that. Except for now, with Alex. He opened himself up to her, let her see how sad he's really been. For over two years he'd kept this horrific memory to himself, but now he'd shared with Alex and he knew she'd share in carrying it's burden. It was right then that he realized he is no longer alone in this world.

As Bobby was recovering from his emotional crash something happened to Alex. As she sat there, she swore she could physically feel all that pent up anger free her from it's vile grip. It was as if someone peeled a whole layer of cold, dripping wet, heavy clothing off of her. She was left feeling weightless and tranquil.

Alex lifted her head from Bobby's neck and noticed a serene look on him as well. He smiled at her and it caught her off guard.

"You okay, Bobby?"

"Yeah. Actually, I feel really good…better, ya know?"

"I guess it's true what they say…confession is good for the soul." She kissed his temple.

"You must have some questions about what I just told you, Eames."

"Right now? No. Another time, probably…so can I take a rain check?"

"You can ask anything at anytime."

"Wow…a whole new Goren! This is gonna take some getting used to."

"Take all the time you need." He kissed her gently at first but then pressed for more. She was surprised to feel his tongue seeking hers. After a minute she pulled away. She was worried he was only kissing her like that for her sake.

"Bobby, why don't we go to bed. I wanna hold you next to me all night long."

"Wait…Alex…" He held the back of her head with one hand and kissed her while another slid under her shirt. "I need you," he whispered into her ear as he broke the kiss.

--


	8. Chapter 8

**This chapter is rated M…****definitely****.**

--

"Wait…Alex…" He held the back of her head with one hand and kissed her while another slid under her shirt. "I need you," he whispered into her ear as he broke the kiss.

--

"Bobby, are you sure this is what you want right now? After all that?"

"I need you…to show me you love me." His words were spoken just above a whisper but Alex heard him loud and clear. She sensed his tone. She understood that after his confession to her, he very much he needed the reassurance that she loved him and would never leave him alone.

Alex slowly stood and took off her clothes. As she climbed back on top of him she began to unbutton his shirt. She kissed him softly but there was no mistaking her passion. She let her tongue make love to his and he groaned in anticipation of the real thing. She trailed kisses over to his ear and whispered into it. "I love you, Bobby…I always have and I always will…you're everything to me…"

His hands were on her thighs but they were still. He really was letting her do all the work. He needed her to prove to him that their love was real. He was letting her see him completely vulnerable to her and it was something that was not lost on Alex. She was well aware of him trusting her enough to let her see all of his fears. It made her love him even more. She kept whispering reassurances to him. "only you, Bobby…you're all I want…"

Once his shirt was off Alex knelt down in front of him. She unbuckled his belt and unfastened his jeans. She motioned for him to help so he eased his pants and boxers off and she pulled them off the rest of the way…"this is all I want…you like this…"

Before she climbed back onto him, she took a hold of him with her hand, then took him into her mouth.

"Mmmm…Bobby." His breath hitched as she let go of him and resumed her ascent to his lap.

Alex was straddling him, but now without the barrier of clothing. She kissed him again, this time more urgently and her hands ran through his hair. She ground herself into him and he couldn't help but moan her name.

He broke their kiss, "Let me get a condom."

"No…just like this."

He froze in place and brought his hands up to her jaw. He looked at her questioningly.

"I love you, Bobby."

"Oh God, Alex." He kissed her with a fierce passion. He had never in his life wanted anyone the way he wanted her. He watched her hand as it reached down and guided him inside of her.

She came to rest on his lap, then he felt her press further down onto him and new wave of desire washed over him. "Bobby…you feel so good inside of me…no one has ever made me feel like this…" She was kissing and sucking on his neck as her hands were roaming over his arms and shoulders.

Alex slowly lifted herself up then quickly landed back on his lap. She repeated her movement over and over. "You feel like heaven…you completely fill me up…I can't wait for you to come inside me…"

Bobby was losing his mind. Between her slow fuck and her tongue he couldn't think straight.

Then Alex stopped. She stayed nestled deep inside of him but moved her face so it was right in front of his. She gave him a tender kiss then spoke in a tone Bobby had never heard her use before, "What do you want, Bobby?" He was thrown as much by the question as he was by the sexy timbre of her voice. He didn't know how to answer her so she continued, "I bet there is something you'd like from me right now, but you're too afraid to tell me…too afraid I won't like it."

Now he was at a complete loss for words.

"Baby…I'll like anything you want to do to me…just tell me what you want."

"How 'bout I show you." He said quickly and he caught her off guard. She wasn't expecting him to move as quickly as he did. With a guttural moan and while still inside of her, he grabbed onto her ass and stood up. She braced herself by wrapping her arms and legs around him. He smashed their mouths together as he made his way to the hallway.

He slammed her hard up against the wall. She moaned, not in agony but in ecstasy. He broke away to make sure she was okay, she quickly assured him, "yes, Bobby…fuck me like this." Then she reclaimed his mouth, plunging her tongue deep inside his mouth.

He slid one hand, then the other, to her thighs and began thrusting into her. Each thrust made her knock into the wall. For a minute there she was afraid they were going to put a hole through the sheetrock. Each time he filled her he grunted or groaned.

His urgent need for her was creating a storm deep inside of Alex. She felt her body coiling up like a spring; she was overwhelmed by her anticipation of the orgasm that was building exponentially. Her mind was focused on his actions; how he was showing her what he wanted from her. Her body was reacting to the primal sounds he was making and the unbridled desperation of his physical need for her. He was fucking her good and hard and she loved it.

By now he had a thin sheen of sweat covering his body and he was breathing heavily. He managed to break contact with her mouth. His voice was strained, "touch yourself, Alex…touch yourself for me."

He slowed down his thrusts and leaned her against the wall, keeping his hands on her thighs. He watched her as she used both hands to massage her breasts. "Yeah, baby…like that." She saw his chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to catch his breath. She put two of her fingers in his mouth and he rolled them around his tongue, then she used those fingers to play with her nipples. "These are nice and hard…only for you, Bobby."

"Oh God." He barely got the words out as he watched her. He gave a strong thrust and groaned as he closed his eyes.

She waited for him to open his eyes again. When he did she put those same two fingers back into his mouth and he sucked on them the same as before. This time when she pulled them away she moved them to her clit and began rubbing herself.

"Jesus, Alex…yes…keep going, baby." He began steadily thrusting into her again but not as strong as before. "You gonna come for me?" She thought his eyes looked wild and intense. She'd never seen that look on him before.

"Only if that's what you want."

He threw his head back and moaned her name. When he looked back at her he gave her a wicked, sexy smile. "You know that's what I want…I want you to come than I want to fuck you hard until I come."

"Mmmm, anything you want, Bobby." She said as she continued to rub herself. She felt herself getting close. "Almost there…" As she said that she clenched her walls around him, sending herself into a wild orgasm. She pulled him to her and ferociously kissed him as every muscle in her body went into spasm. After her orgasm she rested her face in his neck, trying to catch her breath. He felt her body have mini quakes as he waited for her to completely still. Once she was quiet she lifted her head to look into his eyes.

"You still wanna to fuck me hard?"

"Shit." With that he started slamming into her again. He was trying to keep her right up against the wall so she didn't get hurt but she was still moving a bit. "I'm sorry, I'm hurting you?" He rushed the words out. "No…you feel so good…I want what you want…whatever it is." Her words were driving him nuts, making him pound harder, deeper into her. She sucked in her breath, "God, Bobby, you're so deep inside of me…but I want more." She was egging him on.

"Alex…" He couldn't get enough of her. Then he felt her hand snake down between them again and he caught a glimpse of her rubbing herself again. "Again, Bobby…I'm almost there…because of you."

They came together, both gasping for air and clinging to each other. Bobby leaned against her but he wasn't sure how long his legs were going to hold. He backed up so his back was now against the wall and slowly slid down them down to the ground. He sat with his legs out in front of him. Her legs were bent, her knees against the wall behind him. He remained inside of her.

Bobby had his head leaning back against the wall while he caught his breath. Alex was gently pecking at his neck and his shoulder. "You are an amazing man, Robert Goren." She continued leaving small kisses. He closed his eyes and smiled to himself.

"If I'm amazing, than you're beyond words."

They sat there quietly for several minutes, basking in the memory of their coupling.

Alex was the first one to speak. "I think a shower is in order."

He pulled his head back down and saw a very devilish look in her eyes. She felt his cock twitch inside of her, "oooh, I think you like my suggestion."

"I think you're trying to kill me, Eames."

"Can you think of a better way to go?"

His eyes were still hungry.

She climbed off of him and pulled him to his feet.

--

He leaned against the closed bathroom door watching her get the shower ready. His eyes slowly scanned her body. She turned around, finding him admiring her. "Like what you see?"

"How do you still look so damn good and me…well…I've definitely looked better."

She moved over to him. Tracing a finger up his chest and down an arm, she looked at him from head to toe. "I don't know what you're lookin' at, because from what I can see, you are one hot detective."

She took his hand in hers and led him to the shower. Once inside she leaned up to him and kissed his neck. "Bobby…kiss me, Bobby." He leaned down and latched onto her mouth. He heard her moan as she pressed her body into his. She broke the kiss and started kissing his chest. She peppered him with kisses as she spoke, "You…detective Goren…are a handsome…sexy…man…and I…have always wanted…to tell you that."

"Tell me more." He leaned against the wall of the shower and held her by her waist. She lathered her hands and began sliding them all around his chest.

"I've watched you every day…and I've always wondered how your skin would feel…and if I would ever be able to know." She lathered again and ran her hands up and down his arms, one at a time. He never took his eyes off of her.

"Let me tell you, you feel as great at you look." She lathered her hands again, keeping eye contact with him. She pressed herself right against him before she spoke again, "and I've also wondered…" as she said that she shimmied her way down his body until she was kneeling in front of him. She washed his legs this time. When she was done she looked back up at him and continued her thought, "I've also wondered what you would taste like."

He closed his eyes and growled. It made her smile.

She waited until he was watching her again. Once he was she took him into her mouth.

"Oh God, baby, what are you doin' to me?"

She took him deep then ran her tongue along his length as she slid him almost completely out of her mouth. She left the tip of his cock resting on her lips and she gave him a mischievous smile. "If you have to ask, I must be doing something wrong."

"Oh, no…trust me…you're doing everything just right." He was panting at this point.

"Good…but let me know if you want something else." She took him in her hand and rubbed the length of him a few times. "You're so big, Bobby. I hope I can fit all of you in my mouth." After she said that she slipped him back in. He grabbed a hold of her hair, clutching both sides of her head.

"That's it, keep me right where you want me."

"Just like that." She could hear the desperation in his voice. He held her in place as he thrust into her. She gripped his legs, then moved her hands up to his ass. When she did that he heard his breath hitch and he began to moan.

"Alex, baby…I'm almost there." He thrust a few more times. "Oh, God!" He snatched her away from him, only to have her take him into her mouth again. He screamed her name as she began to swallow his cum.

As she stood up she slowly kissed her way up to his mouth, making sure her breasts pressed firmly against him the whole time.

His legs were so weak he didn't know if he could continue to stand much longer.

They kissed passionately and when they pulled apart he wriggled his eyes at her, "you're turn."

He turned her so she had her back to him and he put her hands against the shower wall. "Stay that way until I move you again, okay?" He formed his words like a question, but she knew it was more of a demand.

He took the soap and slowly rubbed it all around her back and up and down her arms. Then he put the bar down and used both hands to lather her up by making small circles all around her skin. He leaned in close, letting her slippery skin get his slick as well. As he did that left hot breath kisses all over her shoulders, her neck and her ears.

He could hear her breathing becoming erratic. He picked up the soap again. He lathered his hands then reached around her and began to massage her breasts. "Alex, you have an incredible body. So hot…so sexy…I can't tell you how many days I've watched you and wished I could touch you like this…how many nights I've dreamed of having you like this."

He moved his hands to her belly, he could feel her muscles tighten beneath his touch.

"You want this, baby?"

"God, yes!" She was breathless. Her body was twitching in anticipation.

He moved his hands lower, then one dipped down and two of his fingers glided inside of her.

"Oh my God, Bobby."

"You like this? Just wait…" He removed his fingers and he heard her whimper. "Don't worry, sweetheart, I'm comin' back."

He turned her around so they were face to face, then he took her hands and placed them on the shower wall again. "These…stay here." He kissed her cheek then knelt down in front of her.

She felt his fingers again, finding her folds and gently parting them as his tongue pushed inside of her. He heard her hiss and her body shook. He let his tongue explore as deep as he could. "Alex, I can't believe I finally know what you taste like…you…are delicious." He continued with his tongue as his fingers found her clit. "Fuck! Bobby, you feel so good."

"Sweetie, I could stay here all day." He could feel her body gearing up. He knew he almost had her there. He couldn't believe that after all that, he felt himself quickly getting hard for her again.

He slid a finger in to join his tongue and his thumb still strummed her clit. Then he reached up with his other hand and began to play with a nipple. That did it. She went crashing hard into another orgasm. "Oh, God!" She screamed. He felt her go weak so he took both hands and braced them on her waist. His tongue was still gently coaxing every bit of her climax out of her. By now his erection was killing him.

He stood and lifted her up once again. He didn't even bother turning the water off, he just carried her into his bedroom. They were soaking wet but he still laid her down. In one swift motion he lowered himself over her and then into her.

She was still coming down from her orgasm and he felt wonderful back inside of her. With every one of his thrusts, she felt herself come a little more. "Jesus, Bobby, you're still making me come." He moaned into her ear. "Alex…you're making this too easy."

It didn't take him long. His climax hit him fast and hard.

Bobby couldn't hold himself up any longer. He was spent. He slid off of Alex and collapsed beside her.

--

**a/n: all this and he didn't even need a little blue pill *winks at Mominator*. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, after our little foray into smut…we're back to an actual plot.**

--

"So…you're sleeping together now." Olivet studied Goren's expression.

"Well…yes…but you make it sound like it's a bad thing." Bobby was sitting in the chair he always chose. He seemed relaxed to Olivet. Before this visit, she had never used that adjective to describe him.

"Bad? No. I don't mean to sound like that."

"Okay, then what?" His eyes narrowed.

"Skeptical, maybe." She waited for him to determine what she meant by that. She was fishing for his true feelings.

"There's nothing to be skeptical about. I mean…we talked…we hashed everything out." He sounded very defensive. Olivet picked up on it.

"Everything, Bobby?" She was pretty sure that he hadn't yet been completely forthcoming with Alex.

Just as Olivet expected, his foot started tapping. He was still hiding something.

"Tell me." She urged him to speak.

"Well, there're still a couple of things I guess…but one thing in particular has been on my mind the most."

Bobby leaned back in his chair. He played with the end of his tie and then he wagged a leg back and forth.

"It's just…" He closed his eyes for a moment then opened them. He sat himself straight up in the chair and looked directly at his therapist. "It's just…I don't have anything to…offer her."

Olivet then understood Bobby's true and deep feelings for his partner. He wanted to ask her to marry him but he felt inadequate.

"You don't think you deserve her."

He sighed deeply then spoke, "Well…yes. I mean, between my mother and the suspension…my savings have been wiped out…and then some. I'm trying to get regain my footing but it's tough, ya know? I mean, I wanna do what's right. I want to be able to provide for her…but I know it's gonna take a long time. And I'm afraid, really afraid, that I'm gonna screw up what Alex and I have because of all of this."

"So you're suspension was totally without pay?"

"Yeah. But I do have a hearing coming up. My union rep is hoping that because I did that undercover work," he paused and shifted uncomfortably just at his mention of that case, "that maybe I'll be able to appeal the monetary punishment of suspension…even partially…and get some of my pay back."

"That would be really helpful to you."

"Oh, you have no idea."

"Then back to you and Alex." Olivet waited for Bobby to refocus.

"Suppose you get your back pay…even some of it…what then?"

He sank back into his chair. He really didn't know how to answer that. He thought of Alex and how much he loved her. But then his mind flowed strait to Joe. Bobby was sure that Joe would have never put Alex in such a precarious position. He was certain that Joe must have been the kind of guy who made sure he could and would provide for his wife. He felt himself sink lower into the chair.

"Honestly? I don't know if it's enough."

"Enough for what"

He paused. "Enough to ask her."

"What do you think she needs?"

"Security…a guarantee that I can, you know, provide for her."

"Bobby, why do you think this is so important to Alex?" Olivet was truly stumped.

"It's just…see…Alex probably has quite a bit of savings herself. She owns her home, she has to be saving money, but she also has her late husbands pension. I'm sure she has that all saved up." He fidgeted again. "I'm afraid…that she's gonna suggest that I use her savings to get myself straightened out." Olivet watched his face pale as he said that.

"I guess that would not be acceptable to you."

"No…no." He said with a sarcastic chuckle.

"I'd say cut her off at the pass." Olivet waited for Bobby to respond. He looked at her with doubt.

"You know, bring the subject up and make sure you're able to let her know what you're feelings are about her savings and your lack there of."

"You know what? I gotta go." He stood up quickly.

"Bobby."

He held his hands up defensively. "I can't handle this anymore."

--

The rest of the week was uneventful at work. On Tuesday they caught a case involving a truck theft. They had it solved by Thursday. Friday was an easy day of catching up on paperwork.

"You ready to call it a day?" Bobby looked up to answer her and Alex gave him a quick wink. He gave her a quick grin then looked around the bullpen.

"I'm always ready." He said low but playfully. His eyes were teasing her.

"You don't have to tell me." She pretended like she was bothered by his sexual eagerness, but her smile let him know she was teasing as well.

He gave a quick nod and smiled back. "Then let's go." They both stood up, grabbed their coats and took off.

--

Later that night they were wrapped in each others arms. The room was dimly lit; the only light coming from a small table lamp in the far corner of her room.

They were both deep in thought so they were quiet for a while. Alex finally broke the ice.

"How was your session with Olivet?"

"Good." He didn't feel like talking about it then. He knew she was hoping he would elaborate but he just couldn't.

Alex rolled on top of him. She laid her hands across his chest, then rested her chin on the back of her hand. She placed a kiss over his heart. He watched her hair fall forward, the silky ends brushed along his arm. He reached up and stroked her head, letting his fingers sweep through her soft locks.

"Bobby."

He didn't like the sound of that. He hesitantly answered her, "uh, yeah?"

She heard his trepidation. She leaned up and kissed his lips, trying to ease his mind.

"Never mind." She put her head down, "let's just stay like this."

"No…I'm sorry…what is it?" He rubbed her arms in encouragement.

She hesitated before answering him. "I need to ask you something, but I can tell you're nervous."

"Ask me, Alex…it's okay."

"The letter…please tell me how you felt when I had to read that damn request in court."

He wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tight. "Baby, like I said after we left the courtroom that day, it's okay."

She sat up so she was straddling him. He couldn't help but admire her body. When he did he held her waist and ground his hips into her. "Bobby! I'm serious."

"Sorry…I can't help it! You're so…it's just…I'm sorry but I can't help it!" He gave her pleading eyes. She couldn't help but smile at him.

"Alex, what do you want me to say?"

"I need you to tell me how you really felt about it. It must have been quite a shock."

"Has this been bothering you all this time?"

"Kinda."

"Come here." He pulled her back down to him then he rolled them over onto their sides so they had their heads on the same pillow, staring at each other.

"That damn case…what that bastard did to all of us was so unfair." He shook his head. "I hated everything about it…but that letter."

She gave him her patented wide eyed look of shock. He continued without prompting from her. "First off, what he did to my mom. I mean, how rotten of a human being do you have to be to do what he did…what he caused. God, Eames, I was so mad at him...when you found me in the conference room…I wanted to kill him. I couldn't think straight. I remember you trying to talk me down but I wouldn't listen. Then you and Carver followed me…which was a very good thing. The whole way over to his office, I was trying to think of the best way to get him. Initially, I wanted to physically hurt him. But then during the ride over I realized I needed to hurt him in another way but I didn't know how. Even as I walked into his office I wasn't sure of what I was going to do. Then you walked in and then I knew. I knew I had to trip him up. Then with Carver there, well…that was icing on the cake."

Alex ran her hand up and down his arm then rested it on his waist. His eyes briefly rolled into the back of his head, soaking in the feel of her touch.

She sensed his loss of focus then urged him on. "Tell me more."

"And Ethan…how desperately he wanted his fathers affection…it all hit too close to home for me. I was reeling by the time we got to court…then his lawyer had you read that letter."

He paused for a minute to kiss her forehead.

"Alex…I hope I can explain everything I felt at the time…." He took a deep breath and tried to assure her with his eyes that he was okay.

"Bobby, I can't tell you how awful I felt. I mean, by then…we were partners for five years. I knew so much about you and I knew the second I saw that piece of paper that what I was going to have to read would kill you."

"But that's just it! It didn't. What I heard was a letter written by someone who had just met me and had no clue how to deal with my antics. Seriously, Eames…Alex…" he smiled to himself at his use of her last name while lying naked in bed with her. She tried to smile back but she was still in too much pain. He continued, "Alex, when we first became partners, I took one look at you and thought to myself, 'ten days.' That was all I figured you'd stick around for. You were so by the book and intense…I thought you would never put up with me. But then…you stayed. You surprised me! I figured there was no way you would put up with my crap, but you did. And over the years our partnership turned into friendship…so when you read that letter, I knew exactly where it was coming from . I knew that at the time it was written… you barely knew me. But then something happened for you to withdraw it. You had an out but you decided to stay. No one forced you to stay…you did it all on your own. Alex…as I sat in that gallery I realized something. You could have been just another person in my life who bailed on me…but you didn't. You saw something in me that made you stay. You got to know me and you liked what you found… and you stayed."

He leaned over and kissed her lips then her cheek. He laid his head back down on the pillow. "Sweetheart, I watched you that day…and right then and there I knew I could trust you and depend on you and love you…and you would never let me down."

"But when I saw you outside of court, you said what you said and walked away from me. I was certain that I hurt you but you were just putting up a front."

He gave her a small smile. "No…not at all…I was afraid to stay with you because I thought you would see how much you meant to me. I didn't want you to see that."

She kissed him passionately then pulled back. "I'm so glad you understood where that letter came from. By the time I had to read it, I knew I loved you…and if I could have chosen, I would have rather been shot than to hurt you by reading that letter."

"Baby…" He kissed her back.

They didn't sleep much the rest of the night.

--

**a/n: Just a quick thank you to everyone who has been dropping me reviews. I do appreciate it!**


	10. Chapter 10

--

Over the next few weeks Alex felt Bobby pulling back. There was a slight shift in his mannerisms and she picked up on them immediately. He was more restless than he had been lately. He was quieter, too. She wondered at first if she was imaging it, but when he started having trouble making eye contact with her she knew that there was definitely a problem.

They had just left a deli, after having interviewed a witness to a shooting, when Alex decided it was time to see what was wrong. "Being in that deli made me hungry for lunch, you wanna grab something on the way back?" She asked him as they walked back to the SUV.

"Uh, no. I'm not hungry." He sounded distracted to her.

She put her hand on his arm to try and slow him down but he kept on walking. "What's up, Bobby?" She had to struggle to keep up with him.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

She stopped walking but it took him a few steps to realize she wasn't along side him anymore. He stopped and looked back at her.

"Fine? You're fine?" Her frustration was flaring.

"Alex, c'mon…let's not do this here." He had the nerve to sound impatient with her.

By then she was pissed off. She took a deep breath, put her head down and made her way past him. She knew he was right about one thing; wrong time and place. They didn't speak to each other the rest of the afternoon.

--

It was close to 4:00 when Bobby announced he had a meeting. Alex watched him as he tidied up his desk then stood to put on his jacket.

"Olivet?" She was doing her best to sound civil.

"No." He gave a quick scan of the room then settled his eyes back on Alex. He saw the pain in her eyes; it made him feel like he was kicked in the gut. "It's with a lawyer." He turned to leave then stopped and looked at her again, "See you later?"

She put her head down to look like she was interested in the file on her desk. "Doubt it."

"Alex."

"You better go…don't wanna be late." She kept her head down the whole time.

He walked away feeling awful. He was doing this to them. He knew he was reverting back to his usual way of dealing with things but he couldn't stop himself. He wrestled with his guilt the whole way to the meeting.

The lawyer was his union rep. Bobby had a hearing schedule for the next morning regarding the recovery of his lost pay. He and the lawyer went over the information regarding the Testarossa case as well as the one that got him suspended in the first place. After a few hours Bobby left the office and went straight to Alex's.

He realized how unfair he was being to her. He didn't want to bring up the issue for a few reasons that were related to each other. He didn't want to talk about how broke he was because he was afraid that conversation would lead to Alex offering to help him out financially. He did not want that. But he was also avoiding the subject with her because it would bring up the subject of Testarossa and Tates; something he never wanted to speak of with her again.

--

Alex heard him unlock the door. She was lying on her couch in the quiet living room. She had been thinking about them and trying to figure out what he was up to. She listened as he relocked the door then hung up his coat.

"Alex?" He called softly, he wasn't expecting the house to be so quiet. He knew she wasn't asleep because all the lights were on. He was surprised to not hear her moving about as he came inside.

"Good move letting yourself in." She didn't sit up. She heard him walking toward her.

"What if I had knocked?" He asked as he settled into the chair across from her.

She shrugged her shoulders. He could see that she either had been crying or was fighting the urge.

He knew he had to come clean. He leaned forward in the chair, resting his forearms on his thighs. She noticed he was wringing his hands.

"I had a meeting with my union lawyer. I have a hearing tomorrow. I'm petitioning to recover my lost pay due to the fact that I…that I was undercover for part of my suspension." His voice was soft and serious.

He watched her study him. He could tell she had a lot of emotions and an equal amount of questions stirring around in her head. He decided that he should continue and try to answer the most obvious ones so she knew that he was aware of how much he screwed up.

"First of all, I didn't tell you because I'm not sure that this is going work, and I didn't want to get your hopes up… and I didn't want to get my hopes up as well." He looked down, the hard part was next.

"Bobby."

"No. Let me." He was afraid of what she was going to say.

"I also didn't tell you…because…well, because I'm afraid you're going to offer to help me out financially if it doesn't work…And let me tell you, I would not appreciate that." He closed his eyes because he realized that his words might have came out a lot harsher than he had anticipated.

She let his statement settle over them for a minute, then she spoke. "What makes you think I would do that?" Her tone was even but filled with emotion.

She watched him put his head down, then peak at her like a shy little boy. She could tell he was struggling. "Be…because I thought you might think you needed to help me."

"And why would I think I needed to help you?"

His brain was connecting the dots she was drawing. His eyes fluttered a little and his mouth hung open slightly. "I guess because you care about me?"

"You mean…because I love you, Bobby?"

"Yes." He whispered. He was feeling slightly embarrassed. He realized that his assumption of her offering him money was based on the fact that she loved him and would want to help him because of it. He never thought of that before. _She would have only done it to help me because she loves me, not to emasculate me_, he silently berated himself.

"I'm an idiot."

"Ya think?!"

"I'm so sorry."

"But, Bobby…there's more, isn't there."

"What makes you say that?" He sat back in the chair and Alex took that as a defensive move on his part so she knew she was right.

"I know you. There's more."

He shifted uncomfortably and let out a deep sigh.

"Bobby…this has something to do with your suspension, doesn't it?"

He rubbed the back of his neck and he heard his conversation with Olivet replay in his head_…"There's nothing to be skeptical about. I mean…we talked…we hashed everything out."…"Everything, Bobby?"_ He answered out loud, "no…not everything."

"What?" Alex was trying to figure out what she missed.

"Oh, sorry. Um…well…yeah, I guess it does." He swallowed hard and ran a hand back and forth over his closed mouth.

Alex got very nervous. She could see that he was doing battle with himself over how to present what was on his mind. Something told her that no matter how he decided to say it, it wasn't going to be good.

He cleared his throat, leaned forward again, and looked at the ground as he wrung his hands. "The events…leading up to…my suspension." He paused as he cast his eyes upon Alex then quickly back down. He covered his face with his hands and shook his head. "I - I can't…I can't say this…not right now." He stood up and he shoved one hand in his pocket while the other tapped against the side of his thigh.

Alex stood and moved toward him. "Bobby, I really want to know." She was being gentle but she could feel her anger building again.

"Look…Alex…I can't do this right now. I - I need to be…alone." He watched her face as he said that and he saw how much he hurt her with his words.

She took a few steps back. "Then leave," she said coolly.

He went to the door and got his jacket. He heard her footsteps as she made her way to her bedroom, then the door slammed shut. He winced as he visualized her heart doing the same thing.

He opened the front door than closed it. Before he knew it he was standing in the now open doorway to her bedroom but he didn't enter it. She was lying sideways on the bed with her back to him.

"I know I just hurt you…but I need you to understand that what I could have said to you…what you really want me to say…would have hurt you so much more. It will most likely crush you. And I can't get myself to say the words."

He waited in the doorway for a response but after a couple of minutes it was clear he wasn't getting one. So he left.

--


	11. Chapter 11

--

Bobby walked out of his hearing an ecstatic man. All he wanted to do was call Alex and give her the good news; his pay was reinstated in full due to the scope and success of the work he did while on suspension. He opened his phone and was about to hit her speed dial when he froze. His joyful mood was immediately snuffed out as he thought of how things were left between them.

Before heading back to 1PP, he took a walk around the block a few times. He knew he opened Pandora's Box the night before. There was no way around not talking to her but how does he do it? He walked and thought for more than an hour. He would have kept on going, but the chill in the autumn air finally got the best of him so he headed inside headquarters and up to the eleventh floor. As the elevator brought him closer to his destination, he decided how he was going to handle the situation.

Alex was at her desk. Sensing Bobby was approaching she instinctively looked up. He passed his desk, giving her a little nod, but went straight into Ross' office. Alex watched him close the door and sit down. She was trying to read his body language but he was still; she didn't know if that was good or bad. Then he stood and started pacing and Ross stood, as well. He came around to the front of his desk and leaned against it while Bobby shuffled back and forth with his hands in his pockets. He never once glanced in Alex's direction.

Finally after about a half hour she watched the two men shake hands and Ross give Bobby a little pat on the back as he led him to the door. Neither of them were smiling. Alex was baffled as to what that meant. Bobby's head was down; he was still not looking at her as he made his way toward their desks.

"Uh…any chance you can come with me?" He stood in front of his desk.

"Can or will?" She wasn't ready to let him off the hook.

"Please…just come with me." She couldn't resist the sound of his voice mixed with the look on his face; both filled with utter despair. By now she was beside herself. She was even doubting that he had had a hearing. She was scared that maybe he was in a meeting to give his resignation. Maybe he was trying to leave work, and her, and he didn't have the guts to just tell her. Her heart was beating a mile a minute.

She paused just the same, "do I need to tell the captain?"

"No. We both have the day if… you'll come with me."

"Just tell me…good news or bad?"

"Let's get out of here first, okay?" He formed his reply like it was a question but she knew it was a statement so she put the files away, grabbed her jacket and followed him to the elevator.

--

The elevator doors shut and they were alone.

"Bobby, please…good or bad?"

Instead of answering her he backed her up against the wall. Placing his hands on either side of her face he kissed her. Her hands went to his waist. Looping her fingers into his pants she pulled him closer to her while she deepened the kiss. She sensed panic and desperation in him and it scared the hell out of her.

"What was that for, Bobby?" Alex asked as they broke the kiss. She was so afraid that was the last time he would be holding her like that.

"I just -"

The elevator chimed indicating the doors were about to open so he quickly stepped back and rested against the wall opposite Alex. She took a few deep breaths and regained her strength.

--

"Where to?" She asked as they made their way to her car.

"Your place."

Alex felt a rush of anxiety wash over her again. _My place so you can make a quick exit when necessary. _"Why not your place? It's closer." She needed to see if her assessment was correct.

They looked at each other over the top of Alex's car. "I'd rather us be at your house for this, Alex." One part of her was relieved that he didn't try to lie to her, but another part was scared to death about what was about to happen.

"Fine." She didn't know how she managed even that word with the way she was feeling.

--

They sat at opposite ends of her couch. They hadn't spoken another word since they stood in the parking garage at work.

She couldn't take it any longer. "You do realize the silence is killing me."

He started rubbing his hands and tapping a foot and she couldn't take it. "Jesus, Bobby! You're driving me nuts! If you want to end this…just DO IT ALREADY! I can't take this anymore!" She didn't mean to scream but she did.

"Oh, Baby…I don't want to end this! I'm just…I'm so afraid you're going to want to after you hear I say what I have to say."

Alex felt her pulse drop slightly, but she was still on the edge of her seat.

"Bobby…the hearing…you did have one, right?"

"Yes, of course I did…and well…" he allowed himself a small smile, "it's good news. The best…they're reversing the original decision. Due to…the outcome of…you know…what I did, I'm recovering the full six months of pay."

Before she new it she was on his lap. She took the back of his neck with both hands then ran them into his hair. He got lost in the feeling of her on him and ran his hands up and down her back, eventually cupping her ass and leaving his hands there as they shared a passionate kiss. She finally broke the kiss and whispered to him, "I'm so happy for you, Bobby." One of his hands came up and pushed some hair off her face then he ran his fingers over her lips. "I can't tell you how relieved I am," he said as his eyes locked with hers.

"Then why the big mystery? Why did we have to come here?" She asked because with the way he'd been acting, she knew there was more to come.

He gently extricated her off of his lap but didn't say anything right away.

She decided she could keep talking, trying to get him to open up. "You know, I did a lot of thinking last night. I thought about what you said…how you were afraid that what you're gonna say might crush me. And I know this has something to do with the events leading up to your suspension." She looked at him and he nodded. "So, what you have to talk to me about is about is Donnie and Frank."

The way he looked at her, she knew she was right.

"Alex, this is so hard."

"Do you love me?"

"Of course."

"Are you gonna break up with me?"

"No."

"Well then, let's hear it." She was doing her best to give him the assurance to speak.

"Tates and my suspension…" He let the words hang out there for a few seconds while he mustered up the courage to keep going.

"I spent all those months of my suspension blaming you."

She tried to hide her shock as best she could. She opened her mouth to speak but then closed it quickly. She didn't trust how her words would sound, she didn't want to get defensive and shut him down. She waited for him to continue.

"For a very long time, I wasn't able to get over how quickly Frank was able to get to you. He played you and you let him. You easily could have kept on walking that day, but you didn't. And I can't figure out why…I mean…how did Frank manipulate you so quickly? It made me mad that you weren't strong enough…for me…to tell him to get lost." By then he was getting louder. "He waited…he searched you out because he knew I would respond if the request came from you…and by god, he was right. He played you and played me all at the same time…"

As he continued to speak, his voice cracked a little, "I've been blaming you for all of it. I thought that if you had been strong enough, you wouldn't have stopped to hear his line of bull. If you didn't listen I wouldn't have been at Tates… and I wouldn't have been suspended… I felt so betrayed by you. I mean…you're Eames…the one person I have always counted on." When he was done he immediately slapped his hand across his mouth, as if he was shocked that the words escaped him.

By now she saw tears in his eyes. As hard as it was to hear those words, she knew it was ten times as hard for him to have said them. He kept his head down; his eyes were partly closed.

She reached over to touch him but he jerked away from her. It was then that she realized he was angry. She settled back on her side of the couch and timidly spoke, "You say you were blaming me? Are you still?"

"Not… really... This is one of the things Olivet is helping me with."

Alex felt her stomach turn inside out. One part of her could understand what he was saying but the other part, her prideful part, was boiling. Unfortunately, the second part was winning the battle. She wanted to scream, or hit him; do something to show him how pissed she was. She was trying to figure out what he would have wanted her to do differently when Frank approached her. _How dare he judge me like that?!_

She stood up like a shot. She was on the verge of screaming at him to get out. She could feel the words ready to burst from her lips. God, she wanted nothing more than to lash out and hurt him as much as he just hurt her. But then at the last second before she started her tirade, she thought of how harmful that would be to them. She realized how much he has been hurting. She knew that no matter how much she thought his reasoning was insane, his feelings were real to him; they made sense to him. Now she had to figure out how to move past it. _God it sucks being the bigger person sometimes_, she privately thought to herself.

Bobby watched Alex spring from the couch. He saw the look on her face and he braced himself. But then nothing happened. She just dropped her head and stood there. He stayed quiet while trying to figure her out.

"I…need a few minutes to let this sink in." She tried her best to sound calm but she was certain that anger leaked out of her tone as well.

"Should I go?"

_YES!_ She wanted to scream. She held her breath for a second. She started past him and before she knew it the words spilled out dripping with anger, "do whatever the fuck you want."

--

Alex stood in the shower and cried. For the second time, Bobby had accused her of betraying him. This time it was about Frank. _How__ could he think that I betrayed him? Why does he judge me like that? What else was I supposed to do?_ She was leaning her back against the wall while she sobbed. _He was right. He did crush me. I've always thought I've never let him down…but I did and he waited all this time to tell me._

She thought about how ever since he came back to work, while she thought they were getting their footing back, he'd been harboring anger and resentment. She slid down and hugged her knees while the water went from hot to warm to cool. When she felt cold water raining down she finally stood, turned the water off, and got out.

--

She found him standing in the kitchen eating something he had re-warmed from the fridge. She didn't comment on it, she just came out and leaned against the counter opposite him.

Bobby watched her as she tentatively entered the kitchen. Her hair was wet and she was in one of his t-shirts and a pair of her flannel pajama bottoms. She looked impossibly small in the outfit and, despite the mood they were both in, he felt his heart skip a beat. But then he saw her swollen eyes and he knew that the shower was just a cover; she broke down in there. _I really did crush her_. He felt awful for doing that.

He stood to get some water. "Can I get you anything?"

She shook her head.

"Should I go?"

She paused but eventually shook her head again. She heard him sigh in relief and it made her feel a little better knowing he was on edge just like she was.

He ended up getting her some water also and left it on the counter next to her.

"You're right, Bobby…you did crush me…I can't believe that 'a'; you've been feeling this way, and 'b'; that you kept it from me all this time…I mean, not only during all the time before what Declan did to you…but you haven't said a word about it since we've been working through all our problems…I mean…this is huge."

His body was aching. He wished he could take it all back. As he straightened himself up she put both elbows on the counter and buried her face in her hands. "Alex, I - " He got that far.

"What the fuck would you have wanted me to do? Huh, Bobby?" Her voice sounded a little muffled due to her position.

"I don't know."

Now she stood straight up and faced him. "Oh…you don't know." She gave a fake chuckle and he backed up a little knowing she was just getting started, "let me get this straight…you don't know what I should have done, but what you do know is that I is that you blame me for what I did do."

He answered her meekly, "it's not…I don't know…."

"Uh uh…now is not the time to get all tongue-tied, Bobby. Now, I want answers. You've had…how many months to think about this? Almost a year…for almost a year you've seen me…you've worked with me…and you've god damned fucked me…but all along you've put all the blame on me for everything that went wrong with Frank and Tates, just because I did what I thought was the right thing."

She put her hands on her hips and stepped toward him with her chin raised in defiance, "And what if I didn't tell you about Frank bein' out there? What if I never told you about Donnie. But then one day Frank came along and told you a story. What if he told you about Donnie, but that Donnie was killed in jail…and then he said he tried to tell you…that he told me but I must have ignored him…would you have liked that better?"

He let out a deep breath through his nose. She had a point.

"No…see…I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't." Now she got right up in his face and pointed a finger at him, "And ask yourself this, Bobby…where is Donnie now?" Her eyes grew wide and she gave quick shrug of her shoulders, "after all that you did for him he took off on you…and who is still here? Me. The only one who's never left…but still you're blaming me and pushing me away."

"I'm not pushing you away." He put emphasis on the word pushing.

"Oh no? Well I think you are. I think you're still scared of me, and of us, and all the feelings you've had to deal with because of us… and this is another attempt to push me away. I think maybe I got too close to you, and you're not used to it… so you're trying to get me to leave you instead of you leaving me like you really want to."

"Is it working?" She felt the venom in his words.

"Fuck you."

"Oh, that's good, Alex…real good. But don't you think you've been feeling badly about Frank and Donnie and you've never wanted to admit it?"

She wanted to scream at him to get out but she wasn't going to. She knew he was trying to bait her into saying those words. He didn't want the blame for their breaking up just like he didn't want the blame for all that went wrong after that fateful day when Frank waited for her in the courtyard of 1PP. He wanted to make it her decision.

Instead she stepped back a little and crossed her arms. "Don't you get it?" He looked at her with a confused look. He didn't know what she was referring to.

"You're supposed to be the genius here, Bobby…", he winced at her words, "don't you see that you are incapable of accepting blame in what went wrong here? You won't accept responsibility for screwing up and almost getting yourself killed at Tates…and now you're trying to blame me for us breaking up."

He hung his head when he heard her words.

She waited for his reply.

He spoke softly, like a broken man, "so…so…this is it?"

"Isn't that what you wanted all along, Bobby?" Tears were falling down her cheeks.

"No. I don't want that at all."

Alex was so frustrated by the man standing in front of her she didn't know if she should cry more or scream. She tried to talk while she choked back tears, "then what do you want?"

He looked back up at her and in a quiet voice he answered her, "I just want you, Alex. I want to be with you. I don't want to leave, or to make you leave…I never want that…but I know I've hurt you and I'm sorry…I know I'm screwed up. And somewhere in my screwed up mind I came up with all that being your fault….But that is something that Olivet is helping me with."

He noticed she wasn't crying anymore, she was just sniffling while she listened to him. He wanted to pull her into a hug but he restrained himself from doing that so he could finish his thought. "A lot of what you just said she's been saying to me, too. And now that I'm hearing it from you, well…I think I'm finally gettin' it."

She felt much calmer as she spoke, "I guess what I don't get…what bothers me the most is that it took you so long to share this with me. We couldn't have been working through this all along…why, Bobby? Why couldn't you tell me sooner?"

"How could I, Eames? I mean, for me, this is the worst thing. It was so hard to tell you even now…even with how close we've become. How was I supposed to say it earlier?" He shifted his legs around. "I guess I couldn't tell you earlier because I had to make sure that you really weren't going to leave me. I needed to be able to trust that I could talk to you about this and that you wouldn't leave when you heard how I was feeling."

She stood there stunned.

His words were like a lightening bolt hitting her square in the heart. She thought back to how close she came to kicking him out and how she had stopped herself. She said a quick, silent thank you to God that she somehow held her tongue. Her immediate reaction of lashing out was out of anger, not love. She knew that she loved him too much to shut him out ever again. She was so happy that she put the love first instead of the hurt and anger.

She couldn't help but smile at him. It was not the reaction he was expecting so he looked at her with cautious and curious eyes.

She continued to smile at him, her eyes started shining and she shook her head and gave a little laugh.

"Eames…I don't get it."

She came over close to him and wrapped him in a hug. He hugged her back but was tentative to give himself over completely because he didn't understand her motives just then. He finally pulled them apart, "what is this?" She had him baffled.

She turned her head slightly and continued to smile at him. "Do you realize that you just said you trust me to not ever leave you… no matter what you do or say?"

He thought about it then grinned a little at her, "yeah, I guess I did say that."

"Well, did you mean it?"

His expression changed. He looked more serious again and pulled her into another hug, "Yes. I did and I do."

Relief flooded over her. Squeezing him tight she spoke, "Bobby?"

"Alex." He spoke into her hair.

"I'm so sorry."

"Oh god, me too, honey."

"And I'm so tired."

"Me, too."

"Can we go to bed?" She looked up at him with swollen eyes and a tear streaked face.

He smiled then led her by the hand to her bedroom. "Do you need to use the bathroom or are you all ready from when you showered?", he asked her tenderly. "I'm good." He led her to the bed and stood before. He removed her clothes, then laid her down on the bed. Pulling the covers over her he whispered, "be right back."

He came back from the bathroom, removed his clothes then joined her in her bed. He moved on top of her and left gentle kisses around her face before finally claiming her mouth. After the kiss he spoke softly, "I love you more than you'll ever know, Alex."

His words made her shiver. She knew he meant it. She would never understand the scope of his feelings for her, just as he couldn't possibly grasp how deeply she loved him back.

It was in that moment that she felt healed. She placed her hands on the sides of his face and then lifted herself up and kissed him.

Bobby could feel that this kiss was different from all the others she had given him. This was one that conveyed to him how far they had gotten; how much they had grown, and how much more that have yet to share together.

For the first time ever he allowed himself to accept everything that Alex was giving him; her love, trust, acceptance, but most of all she was giving herself to him completely. Her one gesture after all they had been through… that one kiss, healed his soul after years and years of convincing himself that he was beyond anyone's grasp; that he wasn't worthy because he was damaged. Instead he now understood that Alex would always love him despite it all. She wasn't looking for perfection; she was just looking for him.

The End

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**a/n: Thank you all for reading.  
**

**Until next time…cifan.**


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